[SISI WENDY] Why she thinks of her ex when she’s with you

Have you ever noticed your partner lost in thought? Does she constantly compare you to her ex, subconsciously though? Is she always talking about him and how good he was and how great things used to be or maybe in the negative, how much of a douchebag he is or how much he didn’t care or made her cry? Yes she’s thinking about her ex all the time and here is why.

She’s Missing Him. She hasn’t really got over him. She talks about him, reminisces about him when she’s around you, points out where they hang out when you both go out, suggests where they both hang out for when you both want to, sees the same type of movies he likes, makes love the same way she does with him. Ceaselessly talks about how he hurt her, how she hates him for breaking her heart, how she hopes you won’t do the same and it goes on and on. There’s only one conclusion to this: if your girlfriend does this, she’s missing her ex.

You aren’t doing something right. You were once chummy and the honeymoon period was bliss while it lasted ─ always calling her up to check up on her, texting her in-between hours, taking her out for dinner after work, sending roses to her place of work, constantly adulating her and then, the manly side of you probably decided to be active again and you slack on your boyfriend duties. At that moment you leave her prone to thoughts of how her ex would not cut her off “when she needs him the most” because you see, for girls, it’s simply not enough. It’s the moment you choose to take a break that she’ll want you the most and the fact that you’re not present at the moment would make her thoughts wander to her ex ─ even if just a little.

The right things you do bring back fond memories. This is as real as it gets. Everything you’re doing right is wrong. Yes your sweetness, your constant communication, your ceaseless professing of love, your endless gifts, your incessant adulation, the way you smile at her, the smell of your cologne, you tell her all is well when she does something wrong, introducing her to your friends, etc, boy! It’s what every girl wants but it brings about a déjà vu moment for her and she begins to remember how good it was with her ex and how he did the same things with her.

Your Paranoia. Several missed calls, questions of her whereabouts that turn into interrogation, who she calls, who calls or texts her. Have you ever heard the saying: too much of everything is not good? You’re just writing the final chapter of your relationship, unbeknown to you. Because she feels you’re encroaching on her space. She begins to think things might be moving too fast; that you’re too excited. And too much excitement from either party sends a wrong vibe. It breeds insecurity and an insecure boyfriend isn’t exactly palatable. Thoughts of her ex’s moderation linger in her mind.

Emotional attachment. An emotional attachment is pretty hard to get over, making it the worst form of reminiscing. No matter how much she wants to forget, it’s almost like part of her soul is still with him. Like he still has a hold over her heart. Is why her heart beats whenever she gets a call or text from him, even as much as see someone that looks like him. Her mind is forever surrounded around him even when she’s with you. This happens mostly if he was her first love or sexual partner.

High rate expectancies. She expects you to be everything her ex was ─ a loving, caring supportive boyfriend; and was not ─ an eventual douchebag, abusive, insensitive, carefree, disrespectful. Slacking in these areas might warrant a comparison, hence leading to regret or constant nagging and banter.