Sport

2014 Ignoble Sports Award

January 3, 2015 9:50 pm

Welcome to the 2014 edition of Ignoble Sports Award.

The award ‘celebrates’ the performance of our sportsmen and women, officials and administrators who have made the country ‘proud’ in the calendar year.

I’m your host for this award night and would have been supported by Vincent Enyeama, the Super Eagles first-choice goalkeeper, but he had to go and sort out a family matter. He sends his greeting.

The year under review has not been all ignoble.

We have had noble achievements in sports in 2014 and I will quickly do a recap of those feats while being mindful of time.

In football, Nigeria picked a bronze medal in the African Nations Championship(CHAN) hosted by South Africa. It was the Super Eagles B team debut in the championship and I know everyone remembers the comeback win over Morocco in the quarter final reminiscent of the Damman Miracle.

My unavoidable absent co-host, Enyeama, cemented his place as one of the best goalkeepers in the world while in goal for his French club LOSC Lille and for the Super Eagles at Brazil 2014 World Cup. He was Nigeria’s best player at the biggest soccer event in the world.

The country’s U-20 Women’s team, the Super Falconets went to Canada 2014 FIFA World Cup and put smiles on the faces of Nigerians.

The young ladies got to the final and lost to Germany 1-0 but Asisat Oshoala was a delight to watch as she deservedly carted home the Adidas Golden Boot as the tournament’s highest goal scorer and the Adidas Golden Ball as the championship’s most valuable player.

Their senior in age and stature, the Super Falcons, won a record 7th African title in Namibia in October and will lead Africa’s charge to the 2015 FIFA Women’s World Cup in Canada.

‘Super Zee’ Oshoala also dazzled in Namibia by winning the MVP.

Team Nigeria’s heroics at the 2014 Commonwealth Games in Glasgow deserves special mention as well.

The country’s contingent won 11 gold, 11 silver and 14 bronze medals, totalling 36 medals.

Blessing Okagbare won a sprint double while up-and-coming athlete Ese Brume won gold in the women’s long jump.

Two weeks after the Games, Okagbare won the 100m at the African championships in Marrakesh, Morocco with a time of 11.00, taking 0.03secs off the championship record she set when winning the title in 2010.

Because of time, let me quickly recall Nigeria’s excellent outing at the 6th Commonwealth Taekwondo championships in Edinburgh.

The country’s 16-man contingent won a total of 4 gold, 2 bronze medals to place 4th, the best ever finish by Nigeria.

In Table Tennis, Aruna Quadri rose from 237 in the world in February to 30 in November and he’s now 31 according to the latest ITTF rankings.

So, back to the reason we are all gathered here.

Like I said earlier, the Ignoble Sports Award celebrates the performance or otherwise of people in sports. Nominees and eventual winners in each category were picked and voted for by Nigerians and those in diaspora.

Those that made the list should not see their nomination as spite but to know Nigerians recognise their contributions to sports however ignoble it was during the year under review.

Let’s go straight to the first category – the Fidi eh Award.

The Fidi eh Award recognises the brief period spent in a position or office. The name came about during the Interim National Government headed by Ernest Shonekan and the time he spent in office before he was booted out by Sani Abacha.

But we need to explain that this category is not negatively ignoble but what we have added to humour you guys!

The nominees are:

1) Shaibu Amodu

2) Vincent Enyeama

3) Chris Giwa

Citation

Shaibu Amodu: That you, the former Super coach were recalled to the job after Stephen Keshi was sacked during the country’s 2015 Africa Cup of Nations campaign. You were meant to handle the team for their two games against Congo and South Africa. But after “wide consultations”, you turned down the job for “Stephen Keshi to finish the project that he has started”. For this brief stay as Super Eagles coach, we nominate you for this award.

Vincent Enyeama: You stood in for Joseph Yobo as Super Eagles captain at the World Cup. It was no fault of yours that Yobo had lost his place to Godfrey Oboabona and Kenneth Omeruo in the heart of the team’s defense. But in the first game, Oboabona was injured and despite his resolve to continue playing, succumbed to the injury and was replaced in the 29th minute by Yobo who got back his captain’s badge and played all Nigeria’s World Cup games. Yobo then went on to win his 100th senior appearance for Nigeria in the defeat to France and he duly announced his retirement from international football after the game. For this brief stint as Super Eagles captain at the World Cup, we nominate you for the Fidi eh Award.

Chris Giwa: You won a disputed NFF election on August 26 and despite FIFA’s rejection of the polls, you still paraded yourself as the president of the federation. In the heat of the moment, a strange fire gutted the NFF secretariat which left accounts department in rubbles yet you still maintained your position as president of the burnt house – until Aso Rock spoke. For this, we nominate you for the Fidi eh Award.

Presenting the award is Virgie Etiaba.

And the winner is…

Chris Giwa! (Applause from the audience as the bulky club president makes his way to the podium)

Giwa: “Thank you for this award but on August 26 I stand,”!

Our second category is the Brothers at War Award.

The BAW Award appreciates the tussle for power and relevance between protagonists and antagonists in sports. Fela Anikulapo-Kuti released the track Power Show in the 70s but our nominees brought the song to life in 2014.

The nominees are:

1) Tammy Danagogo v AminuMaigari

2) Chris Giwa v Maigari/AmajuPinnick

3) Stephen Keshi v Ike Uche

Citation

Tammy Danagogo v Aminu Maigari: This duel pitched the sports minister against the NFF president. The battle line was drawn in Brazil during the World Cup when match ticket and money issues almost brought the two to blows. The minister was younger but was the boss. The president was older but didn’t want to be bossed around. The aftermath is what Fela will call Roforofo Fight! For bringing the game into disrepute, we nominate you for this award.

Chris Giwa v Maigari/Amaju Pinnick: The tussle for the soul of NFF between Chris Giwa’s faction and Aminu Maigari/Amaju Pinnick’s camp was a sour point in Nigerian football in 2014. The Super Eagles were the first casualty of the instability in the football house as they lost their first qualifying match to Congo in Calabar and drew their next game with South Africa in Cape Town which marked the beginning of the end for the team’s quest of qualifying for the AFCON. For your role in this misadventure, we nominate you for this award.

Stephen Keshi v Ike Uche: In May, Keshi named 23 players that would represent the country at the FIFA World Cup in Brazil. Villarreal striker Ikechukwu Uche was left out of the party and the war of words between you two started. Uche, who had not played for the country since the final match of the AFCON against Burkina Faso in 2013, was eventually recalled for the games against Congo and South Africa after Keshi was also reinstated as coach. For your duel that excited the media and dominated the headlines, you are hereby nominated for this award.

Presenting the award is Peter and Paul of P-Square fame.

And the winner is…

Tammy Danagogo v Aminu Maigari (both refuse to leave their seats and come to the podium to receive the award despite continuous clapping from the audience)

Let’s go for a brief musical break!

Welcome back.

The next category – the Spike the System Award – recognises 17-year-old weightlifter, Chika Amalaha who made the country proud by being the first athlete to win gold at the 2014 Commonwealth Games held in Glasgow, UK. Unfortunately, she tested positive to drugs and was stripped of her medal.

The nominees are:

1) Chika Amalaha

2) Her coach and the weightlifting federation

3) Zobo drink

Citation

Chika Amalaha: That you, Chika Amalaha, were stripped of your gold medal after failing a drugs test.You had won the medal with a total of 196kg in the women’s 53kg category.The Commonwealth Games Federation later had you disqualified and your result nullified following your positive ‘B’ sample test.You were provisionally suspended from the Games after an ‘A’ sample was found to contain banned substances. The samples contained amiloride and hydrochlorothiazide, which are both prohibited as diuretics and masking agents. For this feat, you are hereby nominated for this award.

Her coach and the weightlifting federation: Your ward was the first athlete to fail a test at the Games, and part of the blame goes to you. Amahala was just 17 and couldn’t have accessed drugs all on her own. And even if she got them herself, it is your duty to supervise her. The problem is that you are lazy and incompetent and you should know that coaching goes beyond telling weightlifters to bend down this way or hold their arms up that way. For this, you are nominated for this award.

Zobo drink: It was claimed that Amalaha was stripped of her gold medal after failing a drug test because she consistently drank you! She was warned from drinking you after the African Youth Games in Gaborone, Botswana last May where she won three gold medals yet sneaked out to drink you while camping in Abuja ahead of the Commonwealth Games. For this, you have been nominated for the Spike the System Award.

The award will be presented by Marion Jones.

And the winner is…

Chika Amalaha!

She’s not around to pick her award but a representative of Zobo Limited, the company whose product she endorses, will pick it on her behalf. (Applause from the audience)

Zobo Limited: “We are happy to be a part of the success story of the young athlete and proud that she endorses our product. It’s quite sad she was stripped of her medal at the games but the flip side is that our market share has quadrupled since the unfortunate incident. Sales and turnover have experienced quantum leap…” (He is jeered off the podium as he brings out a graph showing sales figures and other indices).

The next category recognises the lofty achievements of people who cannot but pry into other people’s business. Granted, they have a real or imagined stake in those businesses but they could do without the interference.

The nominees for the Tojubo le Award are:

1) Tammy Danagogo

2) Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan

3) FIFA

Citation

Tammy Danagogo: That as the sports minister, you were a biased umpire in the NFF crisis. You were the unseen hand behind the macabre dance in the Glass House and your every step took the nation’s football backward. After ensuring the ousting of Maigari, you goofed in events that led to the election of an illegitimate board led by Chris Giwa. You are hereby nominated for this award based on your role in the NFF crisis.

Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan: For interfering in the affairs of the NFF and in the process making yourself, the head of state, the head of the technical committee of the NFF that shortlists and recommends coaches to the various national teams. Specifically, you ordered Amaju Pinnick to recall the sacked Stephen Keshi to his Super Eagles job which – you could disagree – cost Nigeria her qualification for 2015 AFCON. GEJ, you have earned your nomination for this award based on this.

FIFA: For threatening the country with suspension and sack as the NFF tried to get their acts together and for ignoring the peculiarity in the administration of the game in Nigeria, FIFA earns the nomination for this award.

Presenting the award is Chief Olusegun Obasanjo.

And the winner is…

Goodluck Ebele Jonathan! (Applause from the audience is brought to a halt as Doyin Okupe and Rueben Abati jostle for who picks the award for the president).

Let’s go for a musical break!

femi kuti — Femi Kuti entertaining the audience

We are back!

Mobutu Sese Seko ruled Zaire for 32 year and shamelessly held on to power before Mr Death couldn’t stand it any longer.

We recognise this ignoble African leader by naming an award in his memory.

The shortlist for the Mobutu Sese Seko Award aka Sidon Tight award is:

1) Chris Giwa

2) Stephen Keshi

3) Stephen Keshi

Citation

Chris Giwa: Yours was a fathom job yet you held on to it like your life depended on it. You kept on parading yourself as the president of the NFF despite not having a “staff” of office. You were barred from meeting with the players during Super Eagles’ game with Congo in Calabar. You ran a parallel office, increased the salary of NFF staff members just to get their support at all costs. For holding on to something that you didn’t have, we hereby nominate you for this award.

Stephen Keshi: You had many countries queuing for your signature as their football team’s head coach yet when you were sacked as Super Eagles coach nobody employed you. You spoke with both sides of the mouth when you lost your job yet lobbied to get it back and once you were recalled by GEJ you jumped at it. You lost the Super Eagles dressing room and results on the pitch meant you had to go. Now that your recall couldn’t help the team qualify for the AFCON, what’s the honourable thing to do? Resign? No. Hold on to the job like a baby to her mother’s breast! For this reason, you have earned our nomination for this award.

Chief Olusegun Obasanjo will also present this award to the winner.

And the winner is…

Stephen Keshi! (The Big Boss is not around to pick the award but his assistant is)

Daniel Amokachi:“I’m here to collect this award on behalf of my boss. I’m just standing in for him but Keshi remains the Super Eagles coach…”

There have been so many films on hostage situations whether from Hollywood, Bollywood, or Nollywood. But it got better during the last World Cup in Brazil.

The Super Eagles were billed to face France in the second round but their preparations were dogged by a row over money.

The NFF had informed the players that they would receive $15 000 ($10 000 for the victory over Bosnia and $5 000 for the draw with Iran) but the players were having none of it.

They claimed the agreement between both parties was $30 000 for each player if they qualify to the knock-out stage and refused to train with just days to the game against the former world champions, France.

David Mark, the country’s senate president, got involved and after several deliberations, the issue was settled.

There’s only one nominee for this award…

Presenting this award is a member of the federal house of representative, Ogbonna Nwuke.

And the winner is the Super Eagles of Nigeria at the World Cup.

Super-Eagles-Out-of-World-Cup — Super Eagles players after crashing out of the World Cup

The last category is for Drama House of Horror Award.

The DHOH Award recognises the contribution of sports to the Nigeria movie industry.

Some Nollywood movies get inspiration from history, books, and Hollywood movies! The list is endless but we can now include the beautiful game of football which Zeb Ejiro and co can tap into.

Here are three ideas, if moved to the cinema and DVD, will give Half of a Yellow Sun a run for its money.

The nominees are:

1) The fight for NFF’s presidency

Suggested movie title: Night of the long knife

Key actors: Tammy Danagogo, Amaju Pinnick, Aminu Maigari, and Chris Giwa

Synopsis: The NFF saga started when the players held the federation hostage during the World Cup. It brought Maigari into a direct confrontation with Danagogo. Super Eagles’ loss to France heightened the crisis. Maigari was quizzed by Danagogo to explain how the federation spent its budgetary allocation. The grand plan was to get Maigari out and prevent him from serving a second term as the NFF president. His impeachment by a bogus Congress on July 5 alerted FIFA which asked for his reinstatement. Series of attempts by Dananago to sack a duly constituted NFF board were rebuffed by FIFA. There was a disputed election on August 26 purportedly won by Chris Giwa which FIFA rejected. To fuel the matter, the Glass House – NFF secretariat – was gutted by fire which left the accounts department a shadow of itself. Another election was finally held in Warri in September, which led to the emergence of Amaju Pinnick as the president.

2) Super Eagles AFCON 2015 campaign

Suggested movie title: Eagles have grounded

Key actors: Stephen Keshi, Tammy Danagogo, Amaju Pinnick, Vincent Enyeama, John Obi Mikel, and Emmanuel Emenike.

Synopsis: Nigeria stumbled through the AFCON 2015 qualifiers starting with a 3-2 loss to Congo in Calabar. The team picked up a draw in Cape Town against South Africa and then lost to Sudan in Khartoum. Back-to-back wins against Sudan in Abuja and Congo in Pointe Noire raised qualifying hopes for Africa’s biggest competition but it was dashed when, needing a win by any margin against South Africa in the last game at the new AkwaIbom Stadium, the team could only muster a 2-2 draw.

3) Stephen Keshi’s contract

Suggested movie title: Pain on paper

Key actors: Stephen Keshi, Aminu Maigari, Tammy Danagogo, Chris Giwa, Amaju Pinnick, and Goodluck Jonathan

Synopsis: A film is about drama and drama works best with suspense and excitement. But in the absence of one, like in this movie, we are obliged to add curry, thyme, and pepper to it. And salt to taste! Keshi’s contract as Super Eagles head coach ended at the World Cup. The Maigari-led board were not too favourably disposed in renewing his contract and he would have been sacked had Maigari retained his job. Danagogo eased Maigari out of the picture and engaged Keshi on a match-to-match basis. Nigeria picked four points from a possible 12 in four games and newly appointed NFF president, Pinnick, sacked Keshi. Shaibu Amodu was appointed for the two remaining games against Congo and South Africa. Meanwhile, the “other” NFF president, Giwa, said Keshi was still in charge. President Goodluck Jonathan ordered the recall of Keshi. Keshi could not qualify Nigeria for AFCON 2015.

And the winner is…

Let’s go for a musical break!