A chicken Republic indeed

To begin on a slightly lighter note, this piece has nothing to do with the eponymous fast food chain owned by Deji Akinyanju. It, however, does have everything to do with chickens, which Akinyanju and his cohorts, very cruelly, assassinate for making their famous jollof rice. On this occasion, though, the chickens, some of which (one can never really tell) may have unfortunately ended up in the several cooking pots in Akinyanju’s culinary republic, have landed a serving deputy governor in the gentrified coal city of Enugu in major trouble. The politician, who apparently  has been fighting a Cold War with his principal, Mr. Sullivan Chime, has literally taken the place of his chickens on the chopping block and is inexorably headed for “assassination”, nay impeachment-except a miracle occurs in Enugu State.

Mr. Sunday Onyebuchi, purportedly an erstwhile chum of the taciturn governor and cabinet colleague during the controversial tenure of Senator Chimaroke Nnamani, is in soup (pun fully intended) for adamantly breeding chickens in his official residence within the precincts of the hallowed Enugu State Government House, against all directives to the contrary. Therefore, in a dramatic twist to the  frosty relationship between the Deputy and his boss, 22 of the 24 members of the Enugu State House of Assembly sent a yellow card  (an impeachment notice) appropriately entitled as “Notice of Allegations of Gross Misconduct in the Performance of the Functions of the Office of the Deputy Governor”. The single-minded objective: to remove the purportedly recalcitrant and disloyal Deputy and vitiate his political clout within Enugu State and in the ruling People’s Democratic Party, PDP.  I would have described Mr. Onyebuchi’s plight as part of the everyday self-destruct politics of the ruling but for the rather ludicrous twang to it: chickens.

Seriously, the allegations levelled against the Deputy Governor included running a poultry farm in his official residence and refusal to represent the governor at two official functions in Enugu and Onitsha. While the latter allegation lends serious credence to the strained relationship between the deputy and the governor, the former ridicules the entire impeachment exercise, which ironically accused the man of ridiculing (!) an existing law. Jokes apart the odoriferous effluvium that must be oozing out of the deputy governor’s home (or poultry) might have provided sufficient encouragement for the lawmakers to pay heed to the complaints of the governor, who, by the way, has threatened to open up on the kind of bullshit he has had to condone, tolerate and even swallow from his recalcitrant deputy. Chai!

Without reducing the whole saga to comic relief, it must be stated that the very concerned lawmakers took umbrage at the manifest acts of insubordination to his excellency by the errant deputy. According to them, he not only bluntly refused to represent his boss at the turning of sod of the Second Niger Bridge by President Goodluck Jonathan, he equally declined representing the state chief executive at a meeting of South East Governors, even as his humbler counterpart in nearby Anambra did same for his boss. And for these heinous crimes, Onyebuchi is a goner!

Of course, one doesn’t need to consult an oracle to know that Onyebuchi’s crime is his ambition to succeed his boss. Aside plotting to instigate the state Assembly to remove Chime during his long and mysterious sojourn abroad, Onyebuchi it is being said has been oiling his political machine to throw his hat in the ring for the upcoming gubernatorial election. Ordinarily, there is absolutely inordinate about such ambitions, but in a situation where serving governors have arrogated to themselves the power to install their successor, then Onyebuchi simply dug his political grave hence he’s getting this painful smack on his political butt by the implacable legislators.

Now you may think this whole piece is only about chickens or the foul stench emanating from the “centre of dramatic excellence”, Enugu. No, it is not. It is actually more about the seeming reduction of our otherwise great country Nigeria to a chicken republic mainly by those who are meant to “defend her unity and uphold her honour and glory”. It seems there is an attempt to bring the country into serious disrepute and international ridicule particularly by the very people who are meant to lead change and development.

While the world is still trying to come to terms with the embarrassing comedy of errors that surrounded the government’s response to the abduction of over 200 young girls in Chibok, there seems to be no end to the home videos being scripted, shot and premiered across the country. Let’s revisit a few.

After what could have been a major upset at the recently concluded World Cup in Brazil, the country’s football took centre stage for the wrong reasons. In a dumb move by those who don’t wish the country’s sports development well, made even dumber by the timing, a court in Jos sacked the board of the Nigeria Football Federation (NFF), which led to a ban on Nigeria by football governing body, FIFA. Meanwhile, the whole brouhaha was basically centred around uprooting the Chairman of the Board of NFF, Aminu Maigari, who is  accused of messing with the monetary proceeds of the World Cup. Thankfully, we managed to escape the  wrath of almighty FIFA by doing the needful, even if Maigari was still fired via impeachment.

While we are it, there is also the little matter of the renewal of the contract of the Head Coach of the Super Eagles, Stephen Keshi, MON. Whereas Keshi has done well and has probably earned his stripes as National Coach, it does appear his ego has got in the way and he is also resting on his past laurels. His obviously poor team selection and technical incompetence manifestly resulted in the embarrassing outing in Brazil. It appears there has been an  order to retain him on the job, at all cost. I really wonder why. We need a new coach, probably not Keshi.

Then, there is  this new found love for impeachment as a tool for settling political scores. Someone said impeachment is, at least, better than assassinations. I agree, but…! Of course we have talked about the plan to remove the deputy governor of Enugu State. The Adamawa State Governor has been successfully removed, while the fate of his counterpart in Nasarawa is hanging in the balance following the impeachment noticed served him by members of the state house of assembly. There were rumours of a plan to also “waste” the governor of Oyo State, Senator Ajimobi. I mean, how do we want the world to take us serious as a democracy? Are we not wittingly or unwittingly telling the world that we are not ready for democracy? I hate to hear the professional politicians or their media goons tell me that these are global attributes of democracy and not peculiar to Nigeria. Rubbish.

Perhaps, the strangest of the embarrassments is the politicisation of the unfortunate attempt on the life of former head of State, Gen. Muhammadu Buhari, and leader of the opposition All Peoples Congress, APC. As President Jonathan so brilliantly put it (a very rare occurrence going by his antecedents), Nigeria would not have survived had the amiable and popular general died in the bomb blast, which hit his convoy in Kaduna. Here is a president making a lot of sense, strangely, and some politicians are opting for senseless, scurrilous and shameful statements suggesting that the blast was stage-managed by the opposition party to paint the president and his government in a bad light. Others even went to the most imbecilic length possible to insinuate that GMB bombed his own convoy to attract cheap sympathy from Nigerians. What a tragedy!

In the same vein, the issue of the Chibok girls seems patently jinxed as far as the government is concerned. From the initial hesitation and denial of the a federal Government  to the planned presidential visit and  the cancellation of same;  the claim by military authorities that they have located the girls; the tactless publications in New York Times credited to President Goodluck Jonathan; the visit of the famous teen activist, Malala, which then culminated in a meeting between the President and parents of the kidnapped and some of the girls  that escaped from their abductors. It has been rather comical. One might be tempted to think that those who are advising Mr. President as misleading him or he has blatant Fifth Columnists working for him or indeed Boko Haram has infiltrated his kitchen cabinet, going by his earlier admission that the crazy fellows seem to be everywhere.

Now is it that I don’t get it or Nigerians are getting used to the ongoing  bombing and killings going on in the North East? Perhaps. The bombs appear to be going off ever so frequently nowadays and the carnage even more devastating yet the people’s sense of outrage is obviously petering out. I was mortally shocked by a 45-minute video released via social media after the recent  Abuja  blast. The producer took his time, while praying and cursing under his breath, to record from close quarters all the activities that immediately followed the incident. I couldn’t hold back my emotions as I saw headless bodies, bodiless arms and limbs, bloodied survivors and dying victims. That was gross! It sure seems we have lost our collective sense of anger and unity and replacing with ethnic and religious bigotry.

Look, we must be very careful not to destroy all that has been bequeathed to us by our forbears, little as they may seem, and in turn leave nothing for our own children. Like a bad dream, it has become difficult to stop people from politicising every single incident or reading ethnic and or religious undertones into anything and everything. So, the general narrative is regrettably about politics, religion and ethnicity and not about nation-building, economic development and social mobilisation towards patriotic ideals. We cannot continue like this.

Meanwhile, some of the basic necessities like electricity, good roads, security, good health care system are still major luxuries in Nigeria, even if a few people live in abject luxury. Of all the wonders I yet have heard from the federal government, it seems to me most strange that after trillions of dollars in government and Foreign Direct  Investment, there seems to be no joy in sight in electricity supply and distribution in Nigeria. If you imagine that the telecommunications industry spends over 70 per cent of its OPEX (operating expenditure) on power generation, then you will understand how much economic potential we have put on a leash due to the jinxed electricity industry. We might need to hire a foreign magician to come exorcise the pernicious boogeyman holding back the transformation of that crucial sector. One is tempted here to borrow one of the famous lines  from the creative repertoires  of our ever so lyrical First Lady, Dame Patience Jonathan and say indeed “there is God O!”

Lest we turn our dear country into a chicken republic, methinks it’s time to begin a serious national introspection. Since the National Conference doesn’t appear to have the capacity to make any significant change on the constitution of Nigeria, we might as well fall back on  self-immolation, self-examination and self-help on a grand and nationwide scale to save ourselves from ourselves.

For one, I think the president should momentarily detach himself from party politics and take on the huge challenges of insecurity and extreme polarisation of the country. He will command sufficient moral and political clout to call a spade a spade and actually take full control of the situation. As perhaps, the most educated and most prepared civilian president Nigeria has ever had, there is so much expectation from him in terms of the quality of his leadership and his vision for a greater Nigeria. I am becoming impatient. Ditto several Nigerians, and indeed the international community.

I also believe all other  political leaders should think first of the welfare, peace and future of Nigeria than their selfish ends. In the end, what should undergird the quest for political power should be the greater good of the people and the country. Therefore, it cannot be do or die, me or nobody else or now or never. Also, the people of Nigeria must immediately wake up from their destructive reverie,Munich has turned them into pawns in the games politicians play with ruthless efficiency. We must reject the demeaning meals of rice, which self-deprecating politicians offer us days before an election and rather demand for rice farms, which will not only create jobs for out teeming youth population but also put rice permanently on our tables. A lot depends on the followership if we are to get the leadership to deliver on their promises.