Between fake bishops and desperate politicians

It wasn’t a big surprise when news came that Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, BAT, the former governor of Lagos State and the ruling party APC’s (All Progressives Congress) presidential candidate had picked Kashim Shettima, former governor of Borno State as his running mate. He was always going to pick a running mate from the north. In the unwritten norm in Nigerian politics, presidential candidates and their running mates should not come from the same part of the country although this is largely divided into north and south. What this means is that a northern presidential candidate should choose a vice president from the south or vice-versa. Also, in the same vein, although it’s also not cast in stone, religion counts, and one would not expect both presidential and vice-presidential candidates to belong to the same religion.

Despite this established norm, Ahmed Tinubu, a practicing Muslim chose Shettima, also a Muslim to offer Nigerians a Muslim-Muslim ticket or what some have dubbed a MuMu ticket. Was this totally unexpected? No. I’d be lying if I said I believed Tinubu could pick a Northern Christian as a running mate. It’s (fairly) common knowledge that the southern Muslims aren’t really considered ‘real’ or serious Muslims especially by their brothers from the northern part of Nigeria. So, Tinubu being a Muslim from south-west Nigeria doesn’t count for much, as he may as well be Muslim In Name Only (MINO). So, the only way out for Tinubu who says ‘it’s his turn’ to be president and who appears willing to do every and anything it takes to achieve his lifelong dream, was to pick Shettima. Why? According to Tinubu, competence and not religion is the reason he chose Shettima. In other words, there’s no northern Christian competent enough to be Tinubu’s running mate. Still, Nigerians waited for the official presentation of APC’s vice-presidential candidate and for a moment, it looked as if the loud disagreements from diverse section of Nigerians, most from the ruling party itself, was going to be enough to have Tinubu and his advisers have a rethink.

Anyway, Shettima’s unveiling would go on as planned and on Wednesday July 20, 2022, Alhaji Kashim Mustapha Shettima was unveiled as the running mate to Alhaji Bola Ahmed Tinubu to run as the flagbearers of the ruling party, APC. Still, as I said earlier, that wasn’t the surprising part. The biggest shock was to come later from the Tinubu camp or if you like the acronyms, pick your choice: BATSHET, or ASISHE (AsiwajuShettima). A gang of suspicious looking men and at least one woman were presented by team Tinubu as bishops and clergymen. The idea was to present the false narrative that Christians are in support of APC’s MuMu ticket. This move is as laughable as it’s enraging. The so-called bishops refused to talk to the press. And none of them was introduced by the name of their church or congregation. Meanwhile, there are many videos of these fake men of God, changing into their uniforms. It’s not clear if these are brand new uniforms of if they belong to the many kidnapped and murdered Christian pastors and priests. There’s even a story about one of these charlatans saying he wasn’t paid the agreed appearance fee (this is assuming that the politicians are not the bigger charlatans). Nollywood can’t do better than this. It would’ve been funny if not that the 2023 presidential elections are literally a matter of life and death.

As if we didn’t have enough division, Team BATSHET or ASISHE seem bent on widening the religious divide which has become worse these last eight years. They are convinced that because there was a winning Muslim-Muslim ticket in 1993 (Abiola and Kingibe), the same thing can be reproduced in 2023. Unfortunately, that was 30 years ago and like most things in Nigeria, things have only got worse. In any case, if APC and its presidential candidate are ready to embrace the spirit of 1993, hope they’ll also accept to receive the Abiola treatment? M.K.O Abiola was adjudged winner of the June 12, 1993 elections which were annulled by the Ibrahim Babangida regime. Abiola would later die in detention under questionable circumstances. He was arrested and detained for declaring himself president.

Some of these questions need to be asked: What has the APC forgotten in Aso Villa that it’s willing to do any dirty deal just to keep power? Why do Tinubu and Shettima care so little about Nigerians and the sensitive topic of religion? More importantly, why is there so much desperation?

MEANWHILE…

In all this, because Nigeria is a special place or as some people say, Nigeria is not a real place, there’s almost no democratic setting where a party like the APC would be rewarded for its abysmal performance in the last 8 years. A day after Shettima’s unveiling, the federal government under the leadership of President Buhari, who also doubles or triples as the leader of APC told Nigerians that Nigeria’s debt-servicing has now exceeded Nigeria’s income. This means that all of Nigeria’s income is not enough to service our debts which automatically goes without saying that Nigeria must now borrow more to meet basic needs like salaries, etc.

If this sounds too detached or too much like dry policy talk, just understand things have never been this bad for Nigerians. Not that I need to convince Nigerians, home and abroad. Prices of essential food stuff have more than quadrupled. Cooking gas (12.5 kg) which was 7000 last year is now 18, 500 (early July 2022). In 2015 when Buhari came to power, 12.5 kg cooking gas was 3, 200. Fuel price has also gone up to 185 Naira from 87 naira 8 years ago. Needless to emphasise, the minimum wage is 30, 000 even as many state governments are owing salaries. According to a report released by an e-commerce company, Picodi in January this year, they said that an average adult would need at least 40, 980 for basic food in a month. Unemployment has risen from 4.31% in 2015 to over 33% and youth unemployment as of May 2022 was over 66.70%. Have I mentioned that lecturers in public universities under ASUU  (Academic Staff Union of Universities) have been on strike for over 158 days! As bad as this sounds, insecurity tops the list: Nigerians being killed or kidnapped is a daily fare, so bad that no one can keep up with the figures of victims and fatalities.

This is the backdrop against which the 2023 elections would be held. Asiwaju Bola Tinubu has promised to continue where President Buhari stopped, maybe not in those exact words. Even when he talks about the problems of unemployment and insecurity, he conveniently forgets who has been ruling these last 8 years. What more does APC have to offer? A ruling party which has elevated incompetence, that has unleashed untold hardship on the country and its citizens, a candidate who thinks the solution to insecurity is to recruit 50 million youths into the army: “What they’ll eat, cassava, err…agbado, err…corn (by the way corn and agbado mean the same thing). “In the moreen, yam, in the afternoon, err…it’s grown here. You create demand and consumption.” Actually, I’m angrier with the applause that greeted this voodoo economics. I’m no economist but I’m not sure ‘demand and consumption’ is the right term. Anyway, I’m mum of 2 brilliant economists if that counts.

Back to the fake bishops, I’m afraid this shows evidence of things to come. Before long, in a Tinubu-led government, we may start seeing fake policemen, fake Naira and even fake citizens. Where does it stop?