I have a nose like a Bloodhound. I can sniff out AI-generated writing from a mile away. I suss out when someone has used generative AI to write a brief, reply to an email, or write a “thought leadership” post on LinkedIn. The trite tone and verbiage, the poverty of imagination and absence of personality, the matter-of-fact writing with little soul and spirit. Yup, I can smell an AI writing from a thousand miles away.
Now, I confess that I am an old-fashioned uppity writer. You’d never catch me latching onto trends. Steeze is sleaze and demure is manure. I am that bloke who does not use abbreviations in text messages. “GM” means General Motors, not “good morning.” So why do you wish me General Motors in the morning? I like posts written with flair, good grammar and a dose of character. And I pride hard work. Grunt. While I am not a Luddite, I believe in pain before glory. I’d feel I am failing as a “proper writer” if I relied on technology to help me conquer the blank paper. I’d feel like a cheat deserving to be hauled before Judge Judy.
But I have a monkey on my back. I am a languorous writer. If my juices flow, I write a post a month. I want to write more. Build a stronger following. Could this AI bloke can help me to be more productive? It might even help me write that travelogue and radio drama.
So, a few weeks ago, I took ChatGPT for a creative spin. But my intentions were not altogether noble. I wanted to convince myself that for creative writing, generative AI was just about as useful as the internet to an ant.
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Earlier in the year, I’d written a blog post that went viral. I contrasted living on the Island with living on the Mainland. Word on the streets was that the post was read uproariously in the corridors of power at Alausa. So, I fired up ChatGPT to see if anyone could replicate my style.
I entered this prompt: “Write a paragraph of narration about living in Lekki Lagos using the style of writing on www.jidealade.com“
It spewed out the travesty below.
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“Living in Lekki, Lagos, is like stepping into a world where the past and future dance in tandem, each step echoing the vibrant pulse of the city. The air hums with the energy of ambition, and the streets are lined with stories waiting to unfold. Here, luxury is not just a lifestyle but a language spoken fluently by the towering edifices and the sleek cars that glide past the bustling markets. The Atlantic’s whisper is never far, mingling with the voices of entrepreneurs, dreamers, and the everyday hustle that defines Lagos. Yet, beneath the surface of its polished exterior, Lekki holds onto its roots—a reminder that even in the midst of progress, the soul of Lagos remains untouched, rich with tradition and the resilience of its people.”
What! This is piffle! Absolute malarkey! This is not Lekki! It may as well have been Dakar or Mumbai. And “…like stepping into a world where the past and future dance in tandem, each step echoing the vibrant pulse of the city…”? I do not write like this!
I sighed in relief. This doofus AI has got nothing on me.
But an inner tugging advised it was too early to gloat.
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Why don’t you give ChatGPT more freedom? Few people do well with pastiche – copying someone else’s style – let alone a bot. Remember, the goal was not to see if anyone or anything could write like Jide Alade. We are not narcissists, are we? We only want to see if AI is capable of a unique tone of voice and is a viable competition to a human writer.
So, I revised my prompt: “Write a paragraph about living in Lekki Lagos using humour and a witty writing style.”
Its prose was more arresting.
“Living in Lekki, Lagos, is like being in a never-ending episode of a reality TV show—complete with dramatic plot twists, surprise guest stars, and the occasional power outage to keep things interesting. Here, your daily commute is a tactical mission, dodging potholes that could double as swimming pools while navigating the endless parade of flashy SUVs and okadas with a flair for the unexpected. But for every moment of gridlock, there’s a view of the sparkling Atlantic or a quick escape to one of the chic cafes where you can sip overpriced coffee and pretend the traffic doesn’t exist. It’s a place where the hustle is real, the hustle is constant, and the hustle is usually stuck in traffic on Lekki-Epe Expressway, but hey, at least the sunsets are pretty!”
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I decided to try more prompts. A few months ago, I’d also written a post about travelling with a Nigerian passport. That post was popular too. So I asked Chat GPT for its version.
“Write a paragraph about the challenges of traveling with a Nigerian passport using humour and a witty writing style
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ChatGPT wrote:
“Traveling with a Nigerian passport is like playing a game of international hopscotch, where each embassy you visit is a new level of difficulty. First, there’s the visa application, which feels like an exercise in creative writing—because who really knows how to describe their “strong ties to home”? Then comes the interview, where you’re half-convinced you’re auditioning for a role in a spy movie, answering questions that would make even Sherlock Holmes break a sweat. And let’s not forget the airport, where the sight of your green passport seems to trigger a global conspiracy to make you unpack and repack your luggage at least twice. But in the end, when you finally step onto that plane, there’s a sense of victory—like you’ve conquered the travel gods themselves. Just don’t forget to keep an eye on your passport—it might need its own vacation after all the drama!”
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My, this bot is coming for us! With the right prompt, it could kill Hemingway!
And let’s not forget: Generative AI is still but a tottering toddler. Every day it grows stronger, its steps more assured. It soaks information and learns from the adults in the room. One day, it will be a teenager. Then an adult with a spouse and kids. And we’ll then be toast.
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But I remain smug. I can still make out AI’s voice. It sounds the same every time. Homogenisation. Your writing reads like everyone else’s writing. Who is real and who is the dud?
This homogenisation happens because Generative AI is created from a dataset. Vast language models. Java. Python. And everyone knows a python constricts.
It’s a dad joke. I couldn’t help myself.
I ought to reconsider how I view AI-assisted writing. It could be a good thought starter, an ally in overcoming the block. It could light a fuse in my brain and I’ll then pick it up from there. It would still be me writing, wouldn’t it? I’m only getting a little push.
Or I could just say “Damn it, Chat: write about my trip to the Masai Mara” while I go watch Red One on Netflix.
On a parting note, I asked ChatGPT to write a paragraph about jidealade.com.
“JideAlade.com is a vibrant online space where wit meets wisdom, offering a unique blend of sharp observations, cultural commentary, and relatable storytelling. The website captures the essence of modern Nigerian life with a voice that’s both authoritative and approachable, serving up content that’s as insightful as it is entertaining. Whether it’s dissecting the quirks of Lagos living, exploring the complexities of Nigerian identity, or simply offering a fresh perspective on everyday matters, JideAlade.com is a go-to destination for anyone looking to see the world through a lens that’s equal parts humor and heart. It’s a digital haven where readers can laugh, learn, and maybe even leave with a new way of looking at the world around them.”
Not too shabby, Chat buddy. Not too shabby.
Merry Christmas ya’ll!
Views expressed by contributors are strictly personal and not of TheCable.
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