Dealing with questions on your fertility status from family members and friends

We live in a society where people are increasingly defined by the sum total of the level of success in their personal and professional lives. Many couples start out their family lives with the hope of raising beautiful children as a natural life occurrence, but that hope is sometimes delayed for many. Statistics reveal that one in seven couples in Nigeria suffer with infertility. The journey to fertility and parenthood is often accompanied with emotional rollercoaster rides leaving many couples devastated mostly due to societal pressure.

Relationships with family and friends can become strained whilst trying to conceive. Some of our Nollywood movies do not fail to depict the typical stories of the mother-in-law who is expecting her deserved grand children from her daughter-in-law, exactly nine months after the wedding. You may find that you receive unhelpful comments often solicited and mostly unsolicited for, “just relax and it will happen before you know it “or “God will do it in nine months’ time” are my favorites; or you are attending a birthday party, baby shower, baby dedication or even going for a family visit and you haven’t decided as a couple on how to respond/react to questions that will be thrown at you over your fertility status.

Being on the positive path despite all the current setbacks posed by infertility or involuntary childlessness which can easily deplete your self-worth and self-esteem is very key on your journey to parenthood. The level of your mental, physical and emotional wellbeing goes a long way in determining your energy levels, self-confidence and self-belief required for successful conception and parenting whether through natural means, Assisted Reproductive Technology or Adoption.

A positive view of yourself is the foundation of your emotional and mental wellbeing. Unhealthy belief patterns are created in the same way a healthy self-worth and esteem is created. Low spirits are kept alive and well when you rehearse depressing thoughts in your mind over and over again. Your self-esteem is an exclusive interpretation of the events and situations around you.

The first place to embark on your fertility journey is your mind, whether you are experiencing stress, unexplained infertility, unresolved emotional issues, you’ve had some issues with getting pregnant, or you want a more enjoyable journey to parenthood. Your emotional state has a huge impact on the health of your body. Through clearing the mental clutter and creating new neural pathways in your mind, you can literally think yourself fertile. It is important to eradicate toxic thoughts of fear, anger, jealousy and other negative emotions while also detoxing your body. Research shows eighty to ninety –five percent of all health issues are related to stress!

If you have formed some beliefs that no longer serve you over the months and years, now is the time to transform each of these beliefs into a truth that will serve you. Get rid of limiting beliefs and adopt the beliefs that serve you and your fertility goals. One very helpful way to transform beliefs is to create positive affirmation. Creating positive affirmation will help change your thoughts and self-talk to benefit and empower your fertility.

“Each of us is a combination of the physical self, the emotional self, the mental self and the spiritual self. When you nurture these “selves,” you naturally grow more creative, energetic and empowered to enjoy life”. Take time out to regularly unwind as a couple from the stress of the whole conception. Choose a scripture of the bible to mediate on regularly. Learn how to reconnect to what makes you happy. Learn to nurture yourself and love all aspects of you. Learn to make decisions that maximize your joy. Whether it’s a manicure, a weekend away, signing up for that fitness course you always wanted to do, or something as simple as a “comedy” night. Be good to yourself, you deserve it. Appreciating your dearest friends, your closest family members, your favorite possessions and of course yourself can bring a smile to your face. If you need a lift or an attitude adjustment, try to appreciate and reflect on the good things of life. Count your blessings.

Also note that you are not in any way obliged to divulge information on your fertility status. When confronted with such scenario you can change the subject or give a closed reply to end the conversation without necessarily being rude or evasive.
While you may not be able to control these external circumstances, you can control your reaction to the situation. You gain control when you resist the urge to blame and act as the victim. Never give away the power you possess, when confronted with a bad situation. Start thinking in terms of possibilities and opportunities instead of things that bring you down. It’s hard at first and you may have to force yourself, but with a little practice, your spirits will improve.

To your success.

Ify is a Life, Emotions and Behavioral Change Coach who is passionate about helping women and couples navigate their journey to fertility and  parenthood .Send your emails to [email protected] for more inquiries on her fertile lifestyle method. Follow on twitter @fertilelifestyle.