Dealing with a financially struggling husband

BY JAMIU RIDWAN

Men are the natural breadwinners and providers. At marriage, men give their wives dowries as a gift and a token of love. This is considered a duty in Islam, (Q4:4). Likewise, it is established that it’s the responsibility of the husband to provide all financial needs for their wives, including feeding, clothing, shelter and medical expenses. “Men are protectors and maintainers of women…)”Q4:34.

These duties of protection, provision and direction are the primary roles of men in marriage.

A regular source of finance is essential for marriage. “But let them who find not [the means for] marriage abstain [from sexual relations] until Allah enriches them from His bounty… “(Q24:32). This underscores why Sharia (Islamic law) gives a male in inheritance twice the share of a female. (Q4:11). His finances still generally go back to the female.

It is unethical for a man to persistently demand money from his wife or to rule that the wife must bear some of the family expenses. Such a man will lose his honour and may not be able to lead the family effectively. Taking good care of a wife is an act of worship in Islam and one of the secrets of prosperity and happiness.

However, unmarried women shouldn’t look down on upright men who cannot shoulder all the financial responsibilities at the moment. Most righteous men are financially struggling because they do not want to eat Haram, and good jobs are scarce. It is righteous men that righteous women will want to marry. Therefore, be ready to struggle with them if you need the marriage. It’s now obvious to many women that waiting to find that perfect- man is to their disadvantage. Time changes and evolves. Given the current economic reality, many youths cannot meet all the financial needs of marriage. Don’t hesitate to marry a righteous and hardworking man even if he earns less than you or less than your expectations. If you cannot have it all, do not leave it all. After hardship comes ease.

Good and secure jobs are not readily available for most youth after graduation and at a time when most girls are already ripe to be taken by them. Besides, women now aggressively compete with men in the workforce. Jobs that would enable men, who are the natural breadwinners, to take care of wives and children are now shared with women or completely taken up by them.

It’s better to live with a righteous man and support each other financially to have a good family than to remain single — prone to temptation and abuse. Marriage is about friendship and partnership. The children are for both of you; investing in them is investing in your future. Any of the capable couples can do it. If your husband is no more, won’t you fend for the children?

In places where the costs of living are high, men may not be able to bear all family expenses and still be the available and strong husbands that every woman wants.

Married women whose husbands are in a hard time should never look down on their husbands or nag for the only reason that they help out their husbands. Who is better supported with their wealth, if they have, other than their beloved husbands?!

Where is humanity if the man spends his all on the family and the wife spends only on luxury? And where is dignity if the man who has is stingy to his wife?

It’s better to live with a righteous man with a low income than be unmarried and be reduced to public property — used and dumbed by selfish men.

It’s better to live with a man with a low income and supported by a wife than having a man who works all day because of the family and ends up being an unavailable husband and absentee father.

It’s better to live peacefully and contentedly with a righteous man with a low income than being a widow or single mother whose nagging, ranting and trouble had sent the man to the grave or sent him away.

When the Prophet (SAW) once encouraged women to give in charity, Zaynab, the wife of the learned companion Abdullah bin Mas’ood informed her husband of her desire to pay her Zakat. Ibn Mas’ood told her he was the most deserving of her charity, given his condition at the time. Upon enquiry, the Prophet confirmed that Ibn Mas’ood was right and that Zaynab’s reward would be in two ways: giving to charity and keeping good relations with her husband. Men, please appreciate your wives for their support in cash and kind, and give them your attention.

Some contend that men think of taking more wives when they become comfortable. Not all men do. Besides, responsible men would be just and rather marry more wives when they are capable instead of indulging in adultery and infidelity. Which is better? Whichever, Allah has allowed (not commanded) polygyny, women are greatly rewarded for their cooperation and patience. Your sacrifices which are done for the sake of Allah can never go in vain. Good begets good.

If the wife is working, her husband is the best she supports from her income, especially if he can’t afford it all. In this case, the husband needs to be grateful and tolerant if some of her duties at home are affected due to her work which is necessary to augment the husband’s earnings.

If the wife is not earning money, she should be prudent and content with whatever the husband provides. She should appreciate, encourage and pray for her husband. Everyone has a story to tell. Challenges of life should not divest us of our humanity and honour.

Nonetheless, the sacrifices of the woman may go in vain if she becomes disobedient and boastful because of her financial support to the family.

Mother Khadija was older and richer than the Prophet; she was yet supportive and very submissive. When the husband is well respected, the wife gets better protected.

May Allah bless our homes and grant us happiness and righteousness.

Jamiu is the chief Imam of Lekki Central Mosque, Lagos, and can be reached at [email protected]