Dear Chivido haters, you don chop?

Forgive me if the above headline sounds ‘one kind’ and perhaps too hiphop-y. I don’t normally use words like ‘hater.’  Blame it on trying to speak the same language as the main target for this piece. Anyhow, this was difficult to write because on one hand, I didn’t want to sound like those people who worship money, ill-gotten or not. Those people who think the super-rich can do no wrong and will fight anyone who dares to say a word against their masters . On the other hand, I didn’t want to come off as one self-righteous doomsday-preaching aunty. And I definitely didn’t want to risk sounding like an agbaiya or old fool (closest translation) because when all’s said, I’m old enough to be their mother, actually older than a few of their mothers. I’m talking about artistes like Davido and Burna Boy. It’s one thing to talk about their art but it’s another to get in their personal lives. I know my worry is self-inflicted but I can’t help but wonder: what if these were my own kids. What am I going on about? Of course, this is about Chivido 2024 but I’ll also be using it as a point of contact, as Christians say, to touch on one or two others.

On June 25, 2024, David Adeleke, aka Davido married the former Ms. Chioma Rowland, who also happens to be the mother of his twins. The day’s ceremony was more for the public as the two were already married. Tagged Chivido2024, it’s safe to say that Lagos stood still for Chioma and Davido (although Lagos’ infamous flood and traffic can also cause that). Not unsurprising, Chivido2024 brought together Nigeria’s crème de la crème with a generous sprinkling of international celebrity guests. Opulent and lavish may not be adequate adjectives to capture the event which I followed thanks to social media and bloggers. The rain of $100 dollar bills, the high fashion and so on and so on. I am happy for the couple for many reasons. First off, this was a wedding that was originally planned for 2020. Davido had released the song Assurance in 2019 where he sang about “Chioma my lover.” The wedding slated for the following year was to be ‘Assurance 2020’.  But Assurance 2020 never happened. COVID happened instead. In the meantime, they had a kid, Ifeanyi (lost him in 2022). They broke up somewhere along the line, Davido had multiple baby mama drama, etc. etc. Many couples may not have survived what these two have endured. Which is why I’m happy about any happiness coming their way. And how can anyone who loves Nigeria, not be happy about the love story between a Yoruba boy (with an Edo mother, let’s not forget that) and an Igbo girl? Remember in our old-new anthem, we sing “though tribe and tongue may differ, in brotherhood we stand’? The Chivido story is coming against the Iya Shukudi narrative of the MC Oluomos and political opportunists who whip up tribal hatred, I should make that Igbo hatred, when it suits them.

I’m genuinely amazed that quite a number of people have turned online Agony Aunts advising Chioma not to marry Davido. It isn’t actually the advice that I have issues with. It is the feeling sorry for Chioma, a whole nwunye Odogwu by herself. The taunts, even insults and the general “I’m-better-than-Chioma,” plus the self-righteousness from all those people on social media who say they could never be Chioma. Really? I laugh in Okpameri. I can’t justify or rationalize infidelity, especially the public humiliation. But at what point do we start telling grown people, strangers no less, how to live their lives? And what’s with re-victimizing Chioma, Davido’s supposed victim? This is the same thing that’s done to Annie Macaulay Idibia, Innocent “Tubaba” Idibia’s wife. With everyone sounding like their own lives are perfect. It’s easy to say what we can or cannot do, especially when some of us have and may never be in those situations. Yet, no one knows for sure what happens in other people’s relationships. Why are people so happy at other people’s misfortune?

Just last weekend, Nollywood actress Sharon Ooja Egwurube got married to Ugo Nwoke. She was a breathtakingly beautiful bride in her equally gorgeous Nigerian-made dresses. Sharon has been quite vocal about her Christianity. You’d think everyone would be happy or even if not happy not be so quick to rush to spread bad news. Barely one day had passed before misleading headlines like: ‘Sharon gets married as the 4^th wife…” Meanwhile, the story was, if even there was a story, that her new husband had been married and divorced how ever many times previously. How did that make her the 4^th wife?  And who says she didn’t know about any of that? Some vindictive bloggers were falling over themselves to dig deeper. Yet, all they had were posts and chats from faceless people saying all sorts. Even if Sharon were to become wife no. 10, some people can only dream of the life she has. Assuming she was scammed, how was the breathless gloating barely a day after her wedding helpful to her?

Just as I was writing this, Naija Twitter was agog with the alleged expose from one Kelvin Odanz’s wife, with the X handle Lady Nabo (@Mn_Nabo). She alleged, with loads of screenshots to corroborate, that Mr. Odanz was having affairs with at least 3 women simultaneously. But that wasn’t the worst part for me. From the chats, Odanz’s first reaction (when he found out that his wife had left their home), was to demand the return of the thirty thousand naira (about $20) he’d given to her for the upkeep of their daughter and home. 30k naira! Not US dollars. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he also asked her to return the rechargeable fan he gave her. This is the mother of his child. Now, I didn’t see any big sensational headlines from bloggers. I didn’t see any videos from concerned commentators on the matter. So, no one cared enough about Mr. and Mrs. Odanz? By way of introduction, Kelvin or Kevin Odanz used to be a terror on Twitter. I understand the Odanzes are not Chivido.  They’re not Ugo and Sharon (US). However, the point bears making that there are women in far worse situations than the famous ones people are tearing their hair over.

And while we are still on this topic,  I don’t think enough is said about the men and the baby mamas. I hesitate in calling out any woman but if we are to talk about door mats and low self-esteem, the wives could say they stayed to protect their families, bla bla bla… What’s the excuse of the baby mamas? In the case of Tubaba, one of his baby mamas was on baby no.3 as the man was getting set to give Annie his African Queen  a talk of the town, intercontinental wedding from Akwa Ibom State to Dubai. Baby no. 1 didn’t do it. Baby no. 2 didn’t win his heart. Baby no. 3 was going to do the magic? Yet. Some would prefer to reserve their vilest trolling for Annie who got together with the then Tuface (not my pun) Idibia, before all these other women. Not that Annie has to die to prove anything but why the hate?

As for  Davido, I’ll refrain from talking about Sophia, the mother of his first daughter, Imade. Suffice it to say that there was a time her uncle Dele Momodu happily referred to her as Davido’s ‘baby mama’ like it was some honour. All of that to say, don’t believe all that talk about Sophia being better off, yen yen yen.  As I asked in the headline, to all those outsiders weeping more than the bereaved, in this ‘ebi lokan’ economy, you don chop?

The crux of this matter: Let’s not forget to be human.