Dear married men, that red apron looks good on you too

I am a sucker for social media because it is a crucible for untamed expressions and rascality. That is where respected people say the darnedest of things. It is also a free channel into the minds of a miscellany of people. So, I snoop.

In one of my snoops in that marketplace called Facebook, I read a didactic piece instructing women how to take care of their kitchens. And of course, the piece originated from a man.

A week ago, a friend, a young man, whined and whimpered about his wife’s “refusal” to cook for him. According to him, it is a fatal sin for her to shirk that responsibility.

I have had countless of “bro-chats” with some young married men, and they all itemised cooking to be their wives’ most valuable skill. For me, this is unsettling. It is the 21st Century, and the zeitgeist should be the dictate.

Even though President Muhammadu Buhari, who is 74 years old, once said his wife belonged in the kitchen and the bedroom; he represents yesterday’s order – an order in which women are seen as domestic appendages. But for a young man, who has lived through today’s order, to believe his wife must cook for him is gobsmacking.

The debate on gender roles must continue, and be pushed to new frontiers. Why? Enough has not been said and done about the patriarchal delimitation of women in diminished constituencies.

Why must a woman cook? Can’t a man cook for himself? Are there fixed roles for the sexes?  There should be no defined roles! It is perplexing that while the developed world has moved on in breaking the iron curtain of formulaic gender roles; Africa is still struggling to do so.

This brings me to the subject of equal education opportunity for boys and girls – because the only way to achieve a truly equitable society is through education – educating boys, from the brass tacks, to see girls as coordinate equals, and girls to understand that they should be fulfilled in themselves without the approval of the obverse sex.

Perhaps, a little more attention should be focused on educating not just boys, but men as well. Why? There has been a lot of miseducation. And as long as marriage remains a fount for the forging of families, re-educating potential husbands is necessary.

In August 2013, the National Council of Catholic Women Organisation of Nigeria (NCCWON), said, though without verifiable data, that “quality husbands” would soon be hard to find in the country.

Felicia Onyeabo, president of the council, anchored this claim to the steady dropout of male children from school.

“The future of this country is going to be very bleak for the male-child. How many girls do you see hawking clothes? Go to Onitsha, they are all men. We have looked around and have come to see that there is a neglect of boys in education,” she opined.

This claim may not be tenable, but it is something to ponder on. Why? Some highflying career women have been brought to their nadir by husbands who find it difficult to match up to their status.

I had friend, a trader and barely literate, who financed the university education of his then girlfriend. The relationship subsisted amicably until marriage was contracted. He later confided to me that he would compel his wife to tend the home because he could not stand her getting a job and becoming successful. According to him, she would lose respect for him.

There are many of such sorry stories – where marriage means the end of exhalation for women.

In conclusion, I see a real women’s revolt to the male-stratified order on the horizons. The battle has started, but the war is yet to start. Women are unbecoming the old, shackled, shamed mute and becoming the transcendent voice of now and the future.

I heard a song by Aramide, entitled, “Why so serious?” The song is about a woman who is being pestered for love by a man after a “one night stand”. The man buys her expensive gifts and roses, but she rebuffs all his amorous gestures. She insists the affair was just for one night, and that she was curious and in need of fun that was why it happened. This is a role reversal! Women are bringing it on.

And to my wife – Morayo Nwabufo – who suggested the title of this article, I will wear that red apron more often too.

MEANWHILE… 

Debate on whether marriage is an achievement

There has been a raging debate on social media on whether marriage is an achievement or not. The truth is there is no perfect answer. To the man who has a happy home and dreams fulfilled by the enabling act of his wife, marriage is an achievement. But to the woman who has endured countless physical, emotional and verbal abuses; come on, marriage is a colossal detraction.

Rising cases of domestic abuse

I believe more attention should be given to rising cases of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse has become a nanosecond and daily occurrence, but it is often hushed up and hidden in the recesses of families. The speaking out of some celebrities – Tonto Dikeh and Mercy Aigbe – who have had a share of domestic battering should prod other women in similar circumstances to speak up. Domestic abuse may be a sign of mental illness. Run for your life.