He denies me sex

Hello Praise,

I have been married four years now. I have two boys. But all through having my second child till date, my husband has never slept with me. This is a year and five month now. I asked him why and he said he is not after that, but I’ve been seeing some of his chats with different ladies inviting them to a hotel. He doesn’t give me money for up keep, like making of hair etc. Please what can I do because I am deeply hurting.

Uzoamaka.

Dear Uzor,

Something could have gone wrong with your man that we must find a way to fix. And you might want to take a look at the following questions:

• Did you starve him of sex while pregnant?
• Did you experience a tear during delivery that made it impossible for sex to take place?
• Did you add weight in a way that puts him off?
• Have you become very busy with the kids that you haven’t paid attention to him?

I did not ask these questions to indict you because no right thinking man has got any excuse for adultery and I don’t expect him to attribute his negative patterns to any of the above. However I think you need to make effort to bring up this discussion but if he is unwilling then you might want to try this procedure which I developed a couple of years ago called ‘Jealous Spring’. It is a procedure that is very easy to do.

Get into a boutique and buy some sexy lingerie and some sexy outfits. Visit a sports shop and also get some jogging kits. Everyday turn the music on and spend some time dancing while you ignore him but when you are going to bed put on your lingerie and go to bed without making any move to sleep with him. Early in the morning put on your jogging kit and go jogging and create an imaginary lover or best friend on your phone that you seem to chat and talk to all the time. Observe his response. You would discover that he will creep back into your life and when he does bring up the discussion of his affair but assure him of your support in his finding a way to deal with his issues.

One more thing that worries me in your statement is the fact that he doesn’t drop money for hairdo? There is nothing wrong with that but it suggests to me that you are a full time housewife. I’d suggest you get help(either your mother or registered nanny) with your kids while you get a job or start a business that gives you time. A woman must be able to earn her own money no matter how much the man is giving her.

I expect your testimonies.

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My home is in Crisis

My world almost came down yesterday when I discovered that two ladies are pregnant for my hubby at the same time. Four years ago, he had a child out of wedlock and claimed it was a mistake and I forgave him. I did everything to please him and even gave up a lot of opportunities to make him happy only for this man to repay me with this madness. 

I stumbled on his chats and confronted him last night and he admitted to being responsible for them. Now I am wondering if there are other ladies this man has impregnated. 
I am so confused and the only place i could turn to is this forum. I have spoken to my mum this morning and as far as she is concerned the marriage is over. I have just a daughter and dont even know what to tell her.

Wemimo

Hello sister,

Trust me I can’t tell you I know what you go through because I have never been through this experience however I have an idea of the kind of counsel you must have started receiving from unlicensed counsellors who want you to pretend that you are not hurt and expect you to move on as if nothing has happened. I expect people to tell you all sorts and even quote verses to you to silence you and even make a victim out of you by asking you to go on the mountain to deal with strange the strange woman.

I need to be able to sit with you and step into your world to be able to assist with what you need to do in this case. However one thing you must never do is bottle up your emotions or lie to yourself that you are fine. Also you must be able to take a decision in this case which is either to leave or to stay and in these two there are consequences and you alone can ascertain if you have the strength to go through your choice. Your husband seem to have developed a pattern that he must get help with not because he wants to please you but because he must save himself because I can see a pattern of using women in his history having impregnated 3 already not counting how many others that never got pregnant.

I always try my best to save every marriage but the conditions must be right and the erring spouse must show a desire to get help and stick to the plan however I’d leave you with a 4 way question of testing your decision whenever you make one.

1. What would happen if you take a decision that empowers you?
2. What would happen if you don’t take a decision that empowers you?
3. What wouldn’t happen if you take a decision that empowers you?
4. What wouldn’t happen if you don’t take a decision that empowers you?

Our hearts and prayers are with you and whatever you decide must be something that empowers you. And trust me your decision must be something you can look back and be proud of.