The dough, the oven and the bread (3)

Raising boys that become excellent men has never been the turf of impatient bakers who knead rough, poorly shaped and untested dough. It is for individuals who understand, recognize and admits the challenges faced by the Boy-child with no judgmental stance or pretence. (Dayo Oladele-Ilori, 2016).

We have talked about the dough – the boys; especially the bad dough that produces the deficient bread. Now, let’s consider the many flaws of the bakers that contributes to this deficient output..

By the way who are the bakers and the oven that chunk out these breads? Nobody fell from the sky; we all have parents, or foster parents or caretakers or guardians or a combination of all, who raised us to become who we are today. We all belong to some sort of smaller units of the community called family and the larger one referred to as the society. Many received the baton of parenting by default of sexual maturity, coincidence of misbehavior or providence of kindness to raise children. Anyway, we are all bakers in our sphere of influence and our setting of the oven and the content of the dough determines the bread we get.

Recently, during a pre-marriage counseling session, I realize to my utmost surprise that after sex, parenting (and not finance) is probably one of the toughest points of call for newly married couples, as well as the older ones who were struggling to find their feet. Men, Husband and Fathers who are suppose to be role models to these boys are half-baked stone-aged men who know nothing or pretend not to understand the dynamics of the 21^st century boy-child. These boys are ruled under their slack guardian, by the strong influence of techno-play, quick-fix concept, Internet, the facade of the baggage referred to as the characteristics and features of the millennial and many other unwholesome factors. What we produce are young men with a false sense of entitlement who no longer value hardwork, but long for the beautiful things of life at all cost. These boys become men who lack the understanding of responsibility, that was also absent in their fathers. Men who lack emotional intelligence and all the communication and literacy skills required to survive beyond the numbers.

These are men, husbands and fathers who mostly think the job of raising the children is a woman’s headache. They don’t even want to be involved. Can you blame them? They are also products and victims of dysfunctional parenting. But as responsible adults who see the decay in the society, we can rise above the ashes left for us to rebuild the model and ideal family unit and the society we desire.

And for the other parent, the women who are meant to be co-bakers, kneading this dough and baking them with the best of techniques, the story is quite similar. Women, wife and mothers are very busy championing feminism (whatever that means) and the gender equality vanguard which has succeeded in building a one-sided argument which recognizes the girl-child as the only one in need. The bias view on feminism and patronizing stance on the girl-child has become a money vending machine and no longer a social cause backed by the movement of well-meaning individuals.

This has resulted in the distortion which takes the focus completely off the boy-child, a major player in the world peace we so desire today. Women, wife, and mothers are busy sympathizing with fantasy and living the fairy tale story in their head instead of facing the reality of raising boys who will become men, husbands, fathers and grand-fathers who will treat women right and give worthy attention to the children they bring forth. Women are extremely busy wallowing in the pity-party synopsis written by gender equality instead of pushing for equity across board, which will include the needs of the boys. According to the Republic of Kenya (2007) “Gender Equality” refers to the practice of fairness and justice in the distribution of benefits, access, control of resources, responsibility, power, opportunity and service. In our service to children, has the parents and society given equal attention to the boy-child as we have to the girl-child? NO!

Why are we crying foul, when we are the architect of the penalty? Why is rape, substance abuse, prostitution and domestic violence on a rapid increase irrespective of the number of NGO that deals with issues around the girl-child? Why are pedophiles and men who engage in child marriage still proud to roam the street and still seat in offices as authority in their own right? Has it ever occurred to us that until we go back to the drawing board and include the boy-child in a worthwhile campaign of “GENDER EQUITY” the anomaly will remain? The effect of neglecting the boy-child is directly proportional to the level of social menace we see today.

So where do we go from here, knowing now that the bakers are ill-equipped to produce the right mix and regulate the oven to the appropriate temperature? Most men do not “Know what it means” to nurture “Men of Honour” and most women do not “Know what is takes” to raise “Men of Excellent Virtues”. Because many of us are not equipped, hence the drought of quality leaders who will not only lead but clone other leaders. Join me next week as we take a closer look. Should we have been sent to shool to also learn Parenting? or will you rather suggest that a live and living session or Family Life course is made a compulsory part of the school curriculum at the final year of a degree/MBA, Just thinking! Remember, it’s never about perfection but genuineness.

Dayo Oladele-Ilori