Facebook friendship not by force

On May 4th, in the din of the brouhaha and official imbecility that attended the kidnap of the Chibok Girls, I quit Facebook. I did say, then, that I wouldn’t return until the girls were found. I, however, made a volte face on September 21, when I announced the unfortunate and heart-rending obituary of my younger brother, Peski. I didn’t have a better platform than Facebook to make that sad announcement, so I ate my words, even if the Chibok Girls have not been found and may never be found (true but scary). 

I must say upfront that the kernel of this post is not necessarily about my exit or return to Facebook or the rather disgraceful handling of the Chibok issue by those who should have known and done better. It is essentially about relationships, particularly our friendships on Facebook, which appear to be giving some folks sleepless nights or at best prevent them from sleeping with their two eyes shut (apologies to President Goodluck Jonathan).

We have a saying in my village that “there’s nothing in Cherubim and Seraphim church that should make anybody break his or her hands”, a parody of the sometimes amazingly ferocious clapping that happens in that church. If you don’t mind the analogy (with due apologies to adherents of that church), there’s nothing in Facebook friendship that should make anybody break his or her hand much less the head. Same goes for any other friendship or relationships. And I’ll give you one personal experience.

When I made that exit from Facebook, albeit temporarily, I learnt a lesson or two about friendship-of the Facebook kind. I can count the number of friends, who called me to find out what happened. I thought it was because between the time I announced the impending exit and the exit proper, was a less than a one hour interregnum. Besides, it was late at night. Now, it’s not as if I was expecting people to plead with me not to go or to come back, which indeed was the case anyways (even if some folks thought I was kidding while some told me to “fuck off!”). It was very instructive that not many people bothered with me or my exit. Life continued.

As I said, while some friends, real friends contacted me to find out what happened, some people who didn’t know me well, ostensibly, contacted me to find out why I blocked them. Now, that was interesting. How came it that they could only suspect or believe in some cases that I blocked them was simultaneously surprising and interesting, ladies and gentlemen. As a matter of fact, a couple of them sent me word to say it was very “childish” of me to block or delete them. I found their reaction rather preposterous and ludicrous. I felt sorry for such people.

Now, friendship is not by force. It is by choice. It is also by mutual consent. In the beginning, a friend request is accepted before a friendship is started on Facebook and indeed in real life. I, and I assume that’s the case with several others, consider so many things before accepting or sending a friend request. The most important is the quality of the person’s contributions to discussions. Of course, I have found old friends and schoolmates on Facebook. I haven’t chased babes on Facebook, I swear (lol!). I wager to say that I have made some friends on Facebook because of the fact that the have contrary opinions to mine. I learn a lot from these friends, even if to enrich my contrapuntal narratives. Isn’t that after all why we still keep friends who challenge our positions on issues?

So, when I see people bickering over certain issues and generally raising their temperature and pressure, I shake my head over the stupidity of such actions. I have been following one between one of my friends and an ex-friend. The friend has made a song and dance of blocking or deleting the ex-friend, and my reaction is to pen this piece-an expansion of the ten pence I dropped for him on the matter on his wall.

If it is not working, please move on. It is not a do-or-die affair. No friendship or relationship, even family, is worth killing or dying for. Take a break or simply beat it to save yourself from high blood pressure or other health issues. Even the distraction it portends isn’t really worth it.

When I blocked this ex-friend, three years ago or so, I didn’t forewarn him. I simply made a call, as I would do in other relationships having considered the pros and cons of the decision. When (and if) I block or delete you, you’ll find out. If you wanna shoot, shoot; don’t talk, said Tony Montana. And that’s the way it is.

Facebook friendship, like other forms of friendships, can make or mar people. It goes without saying that some folks have found wives and husbands, fame and fortune through relationships on Facebook. That’s the positive side. The flip side is that many have been messed up in life on account of friendships made on Facebook, and instances abound some of which resulted in permanent injuries and even death.

So, the choice is yours, my dear friend. You don’t have to be my friend and I don’t have to be yours. If you think I’m getting into your hair or on your nerves and you can’t take it up with me offline, please spare yourself the headache or heartache, as the case may be, and take me out (not kill me o!) I will do precisely the same, if I am in your shoes. And same goes for everybody and anybody, who makes your experience on Facebook unpalatable. It’s your choice. It’s well within your right.