Where are the fathers?

…Today, he beckoned to her, unlike other days when he simply waved. His smiles were warm and bright like the sun, and the dimples accentuated his façade. But today seems different. He was excited. She stopped and he ushered her into the house. He offered her some drinks but she refused. Her mother told her never to collect food from strangers since she was a child but she didn’t really tell her to refuse saying hello or stopping by to say hi. She didn’t have a father.

He walked carefully to the door and bolted it. He smiled and she smiled back. “If you will not take the drink, at least you will gist with me”. He moved closer to her. He was the only guy that really smiled at her. He represented their schools at invitation relay. Many called him Bolt, but his friends called him Maradona.

“I can’t stay long. I have to get this salt to my mum. She was cooking but discovered that we had none.” She looked at the screen from the sides of her eyes and froze. He came closer and ran his hand over her neck. You will enjoy it, trust me.

‘Please, I …” and then the first slap landed on her face. Two other boys moved in swiftly. They were bare-chested. They dragged her into the adjacent room and pushed her to the bed. A dirty rag was stuffed into her mouth. Her hands were tied and her legs were spread wide apart. They lined up with their trousers down and one after the other… (Also read “Cruel Passion” – http://www.amazon.com/Cruel-Passion-Dayo-Oladele-Ilori-ebook/dp/B00G4R6X4U – A carefully woven fiction around rape, vengeance and the consequences. But above all, it is a story that shows the spiral effect of untamed passion in the life of a young boy who lacked a father figure.)

… In the past few days, the social media space was set ablaze by the numerous story of rape, orchestrated by the story of the 14-year-old teenager who was raped to death in her own house. Many want the head of the offenders/rapist on their platter of anger, and others want the naming and shaming to start. But after all said and done, what are we going to do with the young monsters, the 3, 4, 5 years old initiates who are incubating?

Parenting is the sustainable tool that will mentor a generation of excellent men and women, and nurture a safe society where we can all thrive. But what type of parenting? What we have today is “Careless-TV-Internet Parenting” Most parents today are a huge shame to their tribe, clan and pride. Mothers are raising foolish girls who cannot read in-between the lines. Mothers are raising boys who are not warned about the consequences of taking advantage of a girl. How many mothers tell their boys to remain virgins till they get married? Are these rapists aliens? Are they from Neptune? The same girl who was raped also has a brother who is a rapist. The same mother whose daughter was raped leaves her boys to roam untamed. And in all of this, let me ask, “Where are the fathers?”

One of the most deceptive narratives is that victims remain victims. Not true! A girl raped once, twice, thrice will become an abuser, populating the lesbian colony. A boy who has been abused/raped becomes a rapist, paedophile or a homosexual. He will constantly be high and need a hole to discharge, hence the violence. So, who is asking for whose head?

The abusers multiply in throngs, faster than the unabused, who are in the minority. And why do we scream when the girls are abused? The boys were the first victims, molested by aunties, maids, uncles or neighbours but we all pretend boys are rarely raped. If we don’t start from the major predators – the boys/men, encouraging them to speak, cry and ask for help, the rape cases will never cease. It seems we have only just begun may the lord deliver us!

Fathers, most of you are living in a house that has already been set ablaze, yet you can’t feel the heat nor smell the smoke. Don’t bother asking me, where are the mothers? Don’t bother! Most women are exactly where you left them – mostly overwhelmed, others are just careless (like the mother duck), some are in denial of the realities, pretending it can never happen in my house when in fact their daughters are on the third abortion and their sons have become a serial rapist in school. Others are laboring and struggling under the bondage of the curses imported by the fathers – Remember the sins of the fathers, will be visited on the children, up to the fourth generation. These points to the unending spiral effect we see. If you have raped a girl, the likelihood that your daughter or son will be raped is almost 150%, because what goes around comes round, and every potent seed yields a bountiful harvest of its kinds. Do you still want to continue?

Fathers, I beseech you in the name of all you hold dear, take the reins of leadership. Lead the relay with a good, strong and purposeful first leg. Mothers will then be comfortable to win, each time they get the baton. To raise the boys, you can visit – www.thecable.ng/dough-oven-bread.

We must be “Deliberate” in our Parenting. Teach your children sex Education as early as possible – Public and Private Body. Tell them to be careful with those who suddenly beckons, familiar or not. Be their Best friends, and know their friends. Teach them chastity early. Make them responsible- start with simple home chores. They must never sit on anybody’s lap, Uncle or not. Censor all the materials they consume – books, movies, internet and all. Don’t keep a TV in their room. And Please, start saying “No” to SLEEPOVERS. Above all, show them God, lead them to Christ. Remember, it’s not about perfection, be genuine!