The green eyed monster

YouNow is created for the everyday individual who seeks to gain a deeper understanding of Self in order to achieve their highest potential, while staying true to their essence. These write-ups are designed to help you become more conscious and deliberate in your interactions and day-to-day living.

This past weekend saw the ‘highbrow’ city of Lagos laden with torrents of rain. The flooding though unexpected was inevitable. As is typical of Nigerians to find humour in every situation no matter how daunting, the show did go on.

Out came the memes and comments; social media brimmed with pictures and videos. The humour fueled by those in the very situation sharing their experiences with wit and sarcasm. The comments and reactions would otherwise have been ‘finding the good in a terrible situation’. Until something else or should I say, someone else showed up.

‘Vanity upon vanity, all is vanity’
‘When nature decides to humble you’
‘I am now better than my rich neighbour’

The green-eyed monster in all of its glory!

Humans often evaluate themselves and others by comparison. When the target person or group of that comparison has or is perceived to have superior assets or attributes, envy occurs. Human’s need for social comparison raises a question. Are there psychological differences in upward social comparison and downward social comparison? (i.e. those who have more and those who have less respectively). Envy in humans intensifies when we make social comparisons with people who have superior assets that are similar to ourselves. The more superior that target person’s possessions are, the more joy we derive from gloating when he or she experiences misfortune.

Gloating is at the root of certain forms of humour. We laugh when friends we consider as ‘posers’ are “put in their place” and perhaps made to look a bit silly. The emotion is stronger the less we care about the person, the more we hold them responsible for the misdeed, and the more the event was unexpected.
We cannot be so consumed with our misgivings, prejudices or ideals to be indifferent or not to feel the pain and suffering of others.

Ultimately, humans use social comparison as measure to assess personal success. Success is not a finite, limited commodity. Nor is success a fixed, discrete variable. It is infinite, dynamic and contextual. There is enough success in this world for everyone!

The reasons humans presume otherwise lie in the problematic measures of social comparison. These measures are problematic because they lack sufficient understanding to accurately measure and compare humans.

Put aside your viewpoint and try to see things from the other person’s point of view. Love is what you owe. Not judgment or criticism.

So whether you’ve been swimming, kayaking, flying or driving these past few days, may green-eyed monsters not live in or surround you.

Remember Freedom is Peace, Optimism is Nature. Action is always within reach. BE MORE!

Yetunde Bankole-Bernard is ‘The identity Coach™”
Certified as an Image Consultant, Human connection and Personality type practitioner and Work place psychologist.
Connect with her on Instagram @identitycoach
Twitter @identitycoach1
Facebook @YBBidentitycoach
For more info, email [email protected]