Home builders unlimited

Today I went to the market to get some materials for bed sheets. It was nostalgic passing through the Ikeja cantonment. It brought back memories of January 27, 2002 bomb blast. That I escaped, going through the Oke-Afa route that took several lives was just the Grace of God. Anyway, that’s story for another day. I got into this big shop and began to check out the fabrics and their designs. And then, the owner walked up to me.

“Baby, this one na 850 naira per yard. But I can give you for 800 naira.”

“Haha, who be baby?” I smiled.

“Na your wife you suppose dey call baby no be me o” (because that’s what my own husband normally calls me).

“Ok no vex but no o, I can’t call my wife baby o. I call her Nne, after how many years, we are both home builders now, that time don pass. Na girlfriend, pesin wey you dey chase you fit dey call baby, no be wife o.”

“Ah why?”

“Both of us are now home builders o.”

“Home builders ke? What do you mean both of you are now home builders, so because both of you are home builders, you can no longer call her baby?”

“Hmm…, my friend, this wan na practical, no be theory. When you wan marry woman, you go chase am, chase am, in fact you fit lock shop to keep appointment with her. But after you don get am, keep am for your domain, the love start to reduce. After she don born one, the love go reduce from 100 percent to 80 percent. After she born the second one, love go enter like 70 percnet. By the third born, everything go be 50 percent. Na see finish now. Na before me and my wife for kitchen o, sitting room o, everywhere in the house we dey do am. But now one week, two weeks, I fit no ask am say how market.”

“Why now?” I asked really curious to get an undiluted, unbiased and uncensored opinion from everyday people.

“Our children don dey enter higher institution, I dey look for money. So even if she dey naked, he no dey do me anyhow again o.  We don become home builders. But as par man level, he go still get girlfriend, especially when he dey chop three square meal, and him body dey shine. If you no chase woman, woman go chase you now. Hmm, na inside woman devil dey o. Dem know say you don marry but dem go still dey pursue you. They are even ready to face your wife.”

“But my brother, it’s not good to be unfaithful to your wife now.”

“No be unfaithful; See if you want to have girlfriend, you must do it without allowing your wife to know o. As I dey so, if you tell my wife say I dey carry woman, she no go believe you because as a man, you must do all your duty for house. And no be say una dey fight you go con dey talk am say you get pesin for outside. You no need to hurt your wife.”

“At least everything wey you don tell me today now, some girls wey wan marry fit learn one or two things from am,” I teased.

“Women! (he laughed and shook his head) una no dey learn. Na wetin man tell you, you go believe. If a man wants to friend a woman, no matter how hard, if the man dey serious, even if he no get money he go friend the woman. Some women na ordinary shoemaker o.  Once he know the right things to say, and he sabi handle the woman,  then he go dey do some kind things wey the woman go enjoy like attention, with time the woman go gree. And let me tell you, no man no get girlfriend. No man.

“Really?”

“Una suppose open your eyes dey see. But no be say you go come dey house they peep outside to know wetin your husband dey do o. Any woman wey dey do that kain thing dey dig her early grave o. Dem too dey deceive you people. Any woman wey wise, na the day wey you enter the man house you start to gather wetin you want from that man.”

“Na wa o,” I was simply amazed by his down-to-earth attitude.

“See, most men dey get diamond for house, but dem go dey pursue bronze for outside. No be say their wife no fine but na like that man be. I have a senior brother. The man get money. The wife tall and come yellow like that, with stainless skin. Driver dey, with different cars o but the husband no get time for this woman. That driver sef na to dey police the woman o, to know wetin she dey do per time.”

“Yes now because he dey chase money,” I Interjected.

“No o, no be only money he dey chase o, he dey chase money and he dey chase woman. He go keep one for Sheraton, keep another one for Eko Hotel, dey move around, enjoy life. As the woman see say the husband dey too busy, she sef dey arrange with one of her girlfriends. She go visit that her friend; that mumu driver wey dey suppose dey watch the woman go pack for outside. In fact dey fit join Mr Biggs sef. Meanwhile one man will be waiting for this woman for the friend house. Na there dem go do everything.”

Anyway by now, my bed sheet was ready. I told him I will be doing this story today, then he refused to take a photograph with me. He said his wife is on social media, so I granted him that privacy. However, I took pictures of his store. Anyway, what do you think…. Is this the reality in marriage? What lessons can we deduce from this conversation?

Remember, when you chase the sun, you will catch the clouds, when you long for the moonlight, stories are heralded. Never seek perfection, simply stay genuine.

Dayo Oladele-Ilori is a management consultant, trainer/facilitator, an entrepreneur, an author, a wife and mother. She is the HR Advisory at House of Procurement. She is also the convener of WELEAD -www.weleadnetwork.org