My husband is hooked on porn

Dear Praise,

I have been married for 4 years and I recently noticed that my hubby has been asking for some bizarre sex styles but he never seems to get satisfied until he began to ask us to watch porn together. I was forced to oblige but even at that things have not gotten better and at the moment he spends several hours doing porn and soliciting for nude pictures from unknown girls. Please what do I need to do to save my marriage because I am afraid for my 3-year-old girl.

Grace – Abuja

Hello Grace,

I have had to deal with quite a number of porn cases lately and more Nigerian men seem to be struggling with this at the moment. However what most people don’t know is that the goal of porn isn’t to teach you better sex. The goal of porn is to sell porn and the combined income from porn is more than the combined income of basketball, baseball and professional football. The greatest damage porn does to the mentality of the user is that it messes up the sanity of the user and breeds comparison such that you begin to long for your partner to act like the woman you saw in the movie.

I don’t know what your sex life is at the moment but the best sex happens when a couple can preview their expectations, view their progress and review their delivery after sex. You may need to read a number of books that can help your bedroom negotiation and there are quite a number of such books that can assist you without subjecting your mind to the pervasion of two adults who have been paid to act out a scene. Communicate with your spouse and get to know what his sexual appetite is so that you can serve the order the way he has placed it however he needs to be helped about his addiction to porn because that would eventually destroy the sanity of your home.

Kindly ask him if he would be willing to see me so that he can be helped professionally but if he is unwilling the easiest way would be for you to create an environment where he can be emotionally accountable to you without judgment. Once you can get him into that state then encourage him to talk to you anytime the urge to surf for porn strikes because talking about it eases the urge.

I look forward to hearing from you.

God bless you.

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He wants me to sleep with his boss

Hello Praise,

I am almost ashamed to share this but I had to share this with you so that I can get your candid opinion before I completely lose my mind. My husband and I have been married for over 8 years and we haven’t had it good financially. He just got a new job and I never really liked his new boss because the first time I visited my husband at work he started making passes at me and that was the last time I visited that office. I spoke to my hubby about it and he said I was overreacting  until he came home a month ago telling me about how I hold the key to the prosperity of the family. I was still trying to understand what he was up to when he broke the news that his boss would want me to have a night out with him in exchange for N3.5million. I almost lost my mind because I wasn’t sure this was my husband talking. I have not known peace since then and I am totally confused about his pressure.

Ngozi – Bauchi

Hello Ngozi,

I want you to know that your case is not as complicated as you think provided you are willing to listen to me and take a decision that protects your interest. I wouldn’t know where and how you met your husband but something is clear and it is the fact that he no longer sees you as a being that must be respected. He has started seeing you as a thing that must be used and you must come to terms with that. I am aware that financial pressure can make some men lose their mind but when it gets to accepting to share their women with someone else in exchange for money then something has gone wrong.

Have you asked yourself why his boss is bent on sleeping with you? And why is he willing to pay N3.5million for a night out? Trust me if you do it once you will do it again and you may become a tool in the hands of both men and when it comes to the winner or loser you may and will lose out at both ends because once money comes your man looks like a man that will run away with another woman and blackmail you for committing adultery with his boss.

So my dear it is a no-no for me. I suggest you sit your man down and talk some sense into him and if he is not listening you may want to bring in his people and your people. And don’t be afraid to face the ultimate consequence which could be losing that marriage. It is better to lose a marriage with your dignity intact than to fool yourself and lose your dignity in trying to make a man whose soul is lost rich. What even makes you think the rich man isn’t going to use you for some ritual?

Don’t waste time my dear you need to run for you dear life because what you call marriage is about to become a prostitute ring with you as the first employee of this new pimp in town who masquerades as your husband.