Dear Praise,
Please I need your candid advice if I were to be your biological sister. I have been going through domestic violence in my marriage which resulted in me moving out of the house with my 2 months baby. He is a WOMANIZER to the highest level. For a long time he had no job but my submission has turned to subjection and my kindness to weaknesses.
He told me that a lady gave birth for him (a girl) before we married but in the course of our marriage he impregnated a 15-year-old girl and she gave birth to a son this January. Now he claims he wants to go back and pay the bride price of the first lady that gave birth to a girl for him and bring in the 15-year-old as well. Please I am not sure I want this marriage anymore but people are saying God would not be happy if I leave the marriage because the Bible instructs a woman not to remarry as long as her old husband is alive.
Oluwatoyin, Abeokuta
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Dear Toyin,
Thanks so much for your mail which I have taken time to read over and over again in my bid to put the entire story together. There are so many issues locked into one and the first thing I will like to say is there is no human being that is altogether bad so the first thing I try to watch out for is that little good in a bad person no matter how inconsequential that good is because I would want to believe there must have been something in this man that has attracted 2 woman to him. Having said that I am not for those who ask an abused woman to remain in the state of abuse. The rule of the thumb is for you to separate for your own safety which you have done. However it seems there are other issues because it seems you are dealing with a guy who has a personal weakness because impregnating a 15year old is almost a criminal offence because it is a violation of a child. And a man that can impregnate a 15year old sure has a major problem emotional problem that needs to he carefully handled.
Marriage is not a do or die affair and the moment adultery has been brought into the dynamix then the power to divorce is activated. I believe couples must forgive themselves so that marriages can work but forgiveness is only possible where the erring spouse is showing a sense of remorse and asking for forgiveness but in this case it seems he is bent on getting ahead to marry someone else and maybe he might even plan to bring in the 15-year-old with time.
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My counsel to you would be for you to take a decision that promotes your peace and sanity and that your God is proud of. God is not happy when a woman is domestically abused or cheated on and would not also make an innocent woman suffer for the evil of an adult man who is making a wrong choice. So don’t give in to those who claim God would punish you should you decide to remarry. If an erring spouse has moved on you have no business stagnating your life waiting for him to die because divorce in itself is the death of a relationship however you need to carefully go through this process lest you jump into another relationship without counsel.
Do take your time and think through the mistakes you made in your choice of a spouse and what you could have done differently because there were several red flags that you overlooked in your choice to get married to him. But please have this at the back of your mind that if your marriage can be redeemed do all you can to redeem it but if your sanity can’t accommodate his adultery please move on with your life since he is bent on marrying someone else because God is a God of the single, the married, the divorced and the remarried.
God bless you.
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5 comments
Dear,as Uncle Praise noted,you obviously overlooked a lot of red flags. Sorry for what you have had to go through. That’s the issue with wrong choices. Why not take some times off,go and learn more about God,yourself,life,marriage and how to succeed in it. And,then,take a informed decision. Get the following FREE DOWNLOADS:
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I always appreciate your wonderful counsels, including this one. However, you need to admit your capacity to handle the spiritual. Your opinion remains your opinion and should not be equated with scriptures.
Those whom God join together no man should put asunder we often say but what of those whom God did not join. so many marriages are not recognized by God and that is why many problem and divorced cases becos of wrong and careless marriage.
my sister you have done mistake the only solution is to submit to God so that he will plan your life for you. what you cannot endure you can avoid. God will give you your own husband.
The woman didn’t state whether they did white marriage. Whatever you start with God and easily can end with God. Please search your past life and analysis lessons concerning your marriage and believe in God for correction. God will lead and quids you this time around.
I’ll love to hear your husband’s version of this messy story going on in your family before passing any judgement or giving any sort of opinion. Knowing fully well that, there is never any smoke without fire while the fire burns, and the smoke chokes everyone including your 2 month baby, your husband is having good time with the other infant lady. He’s simply an avenger. U must try and talk to the elders of your husband’s family please for necessary intervention, or else you’ll soon be at the mercy of the infant lady and yr husband at home.