In defence of cousin Dino

Nigerians can be horrible people. Those who are born, raised and betrothed to poverty can’t understand the lure of wealth. So, let me be among the first to congratulate Sinnator Dino Melaye for giving us a video tour of his precious museum pieces – the statues, the shoes, tourmaline, gold and diamond encrusted timepieces and laced and open shoes.

As a youngster who grew up in what is now popularly called Okunland, I could relate with Dino’s tastes. Our schools were built and sustained through community levies, taxes and communal labour. Government that exists by name only has always been too busy in the showpiece parts of the country to bother helping open up hidden corners of the country.

We thank them. Their criminal neglect built in us resilience, diligence, hard work but most especially self-reliance. The results are evident in a recent study that placed Okunland as having more professors (not Kollington type, you suckers) per square metre than anywhere else in Nigeria, including Ekiti where every rusty roof exhibits a prof.

That’s where the beauty ends. If a Kogi professor invited you home in December, he may drag his feet a little because usually they share their grandfather’s upgraded hut with half a dozen other siblings. If the siblings all visited at the same time with their families, the attendant chaos is better imagined than experienced.

As far as I can remember, it’s always been a nightmare to travel between Kabba and Ilorin, a two and a half hour journey, or between Kabba and Lokoja, a 74-kilometre journey. We console ourselves knowing that if the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway, the Ibadan-Ilorin expressway takes over 20 years to complete, how does anyone sitting in Aiyetoro-Gbede or Okeagi think they could be priorities of the Nigerian government?

Unwittingly, being raised in abject poverty built in us self-loathing. After a while, you no longer believe that the Nigerian state, or indeed Kogi State owed you anything.

For those of us in our middle ages, not many have heard of Dino Melaye as we coveted meeting Professor Olatunji Dare, or the other towering colossi of the ivory tower like Prof Etannibi Alemika. Imagine meeting the late Ade Obayemi or the erudite Prof Adeoye Adeniyi, a master in oratory and diction. David Medaiyese Jemibewon is a popular name in the army, Kola Jamodu was a captain of industry, Mopa produced the two SBs – Dàníyàn and Awoniyi. Kabba produced Bayo Òjò. Ralph Osanaiye was a conscientious cop.

All the giants mentioned have something unenviable about them; they are recluses who refused to use their public offices to enrich themselves or to advantage their kinsmen to the hurt of national cohesion. They listened to the ascetic missionaries or alfas that trained them and parents that constantly drummed into their ears that a good name is better than filthy lucre.

That is why Okunland has remained as it is. It would remain so except that the ‘Not Too Young To Run’ generation have now adopted an enviable slogan – who good name epp? If you think they got it wrong, walk into the ministry of foreign affairs, where the late Olayinka Simoyan had an illustrious career and ask to be employed on his record. They’ll look at you like you just escaped from Yaba Left or Ward 6. Try it at UBA invoking the name of Kola Jamodu and you get the same curious stare.

It’s not impossible that the ‘Not Too Young To Run’ generation thinks we’re making up these names. By today’s standards who their fame epp?

If the 500 Okunland professors had half the weight of the value of the first floor of Dino’s museum, the Kabba-Ilorin road would be a beautiful autobahn.

I congratulate cousin Dino for raising our value exponentially first with thuggish acts when he fought and got his clothes ripped as a representative. He put us on the global map.

A spiked or smooth Louboutin in his collection beats the hand-me-down shoes of our youths. Thanks to Dino, I now have Louboutin bragging rights. Dino’s enemies claimed he did not graduate, so, he wore his academic gown to the Senate to shame his foes. If memory serves me right, before Buhari got his affidavit, Dino got his VC to testify. He beats Buhari to it.

No more jealously guarding my most expensive $200 second-hand watch. Now I can tell anyone that cousin Dino has Rolex, Graff Diamonds, Breguet Chopard and Patek Philippe in his precious collection. Only an idiot would argue that mala-nseju tells the same time.

In Naija, I’ve only bought and rode tokunbo cars, ditto in Canada. Although I have never dreamt of buying a tear-rubber, now I don’t feel bad about my fate. One antique car in cousin Dino’s garage compensates for my shame. Cousin Dino could call Daimler-Benz or any carmaker and order the latest to the shame of Lagos and Abuja Yahoo boys exhibiting their G-Wagon. What more, while cruising or swimming in the gullies between Kabba and Aiyetoro-Gbede municipal roads, Dino could park and bring himself to the level of the groundnut hawker just to remind himself how it all began and to encourage them not to give up.

Nobody should tell cousin Dino to sell his goods and give to the poor because that’s old school theology. New age theology that raised cousin Dino says that soldiers battered for Jesus’ shroud because it was made of the most expensive fabric. Jesus rode a donkey, the exclusive preserve of the wealthiest of his time. He was buried in a tomb exclusively hewn for the richest of his time. Even the manger was the equivalence of a 5-star hospital of his time.

I have never bothered to imagine what an antique car would look like on Aiyetoro-Kabba road because even a brand new car can’t survive a dozen rides on Okunland roads before they become a museum piece.

Now, Okun youths don’t have to look at the penniless professors or the indigent journalists (btw Okun has loads of them) who heckle government but have nothing to show for it. They don’t have to ask Dino what his profession was before he became a politician or how he makes his wealth without a factory. The end justifies the means.

And I see hope for a better Okunland when the marauding herdsmen, the kidnappers and the petty thieves have made enough to establish and exhibit their own museum pieces. Dino’s museum could attract tourists from Greece, Lebanon, China, Italy and all those places where he acquired his pieces. He must be a friend of the Nigeria Customs with all the taxes he paid on those pieces. We won’t be asking how much he paid in taxes last year or the year before. We must be grateful because, all around the world, museum pieces such as the ones in his collection disappear in heists. Thank God, none of them have surfaced yet in Dino’s collection.

To those wondering where Dino placed prudence – you can’t be cozy with prudence when stupendous wealth falls on you. Forget hustlers like Dangote, Otedola, Elumelu and Alakija and ask Hushpuppi!

Asaju contributed this piece exclusively to TheCable from Ottawa.