In matters of dissolution of marriage, men must always apply their highest wisdom

Nobody taught me not to fight a woman. I strongly believe that such battles are needless, very unnecessary. A man will only show the lesser man he truly is, should he openly fight his ex during and after separation.

When on December 20, 2010 just a day before my 50th birthday party, which my friends put together, I sent my then wife to meet the wife of a very close friend, a former Enugu governor. I did that to simply seek the opinion of my friend’s wife before my final decision.

I thought it wise because both come from the same state and that woman to woman meeting should be better since her assessment of my then wife was inevitable in my effort not to make any mistake. Once my friend’s wife confirmed what I had been seeing, I made it bold to walk away from the marriage.

Coming back from the birthday party, I politely told her that she would be spending the Christmas with her parents and siblings who were desirous of meeting her since I sent her to Dubai to complete her first degree, with the goal of later sending her to MIT or Harvard for an MBA degree.

The next morning, I chartered a vehicle to take her to Enugu. I made sure I monitored the driver until she and the driver told me that they had safely reached Enugu. I greeted her parents and every member of her family.

It was after Christmas that I announced to her and her family that it was truly over and that I was only wishing her a great future without me since I’m yet to find my dream to be compatible with her in marriage. I appealed to her father who was pleading to understand. To permanently close that chapter, I blocked her and anyone close to her from ever contacting me.

Sometime in late 2013, I received a petition from a court somewhere in Ogun State about her wanting to dissolve the marriage. I actually forgot that legally she was still my wife.

After reading the petition, I called up my nephew who is a lawyer and engaged him to respond to her claims. I instructed him to leave responding to all the fabricated stories. My argument was that no judge would take those frivolous stories seriously; and even if any judge took them seriously, and so what? My nephew accepted my instructions.

Yes, my nephew filed a response, disagreeing with all her financial claims, reminding the court that the said marriage lasted only for six months and without a child and that both parties had since gone their their separate ways, and moved on with their lives. He insisted that having amicably gone their separate ways, what should then form the basis for me to finance her post separation lifestyle, especially given that one of her reasons for filing the divorce was because she needed to get married to another man.

To that extent, once he filed my response I told him never to near that court, including the day of judgment. I insisted that he should only keep in touch with the court registrar to get a copy of the judgment.

When a copy of the judge’s dissolution of the marriage came, the judge dissolved the marriage without granting her anything.

I think that Femi Fani-Kayode has never acted with the kind of wisdom men of his age and class are known for.

Whether Mr Fani-Kayode
likes it or not, having children for him, his ex deserves a lot of respect from him, especially fully aware that his boys will never take it lightly if they come to know that their father publicly humiliated and maltreated their mother during their years of separation.

I contacted Mr Fani-Kayode at the beginning of this war to warn him to apply a lot of wisdom in his separation process. I did that when it was alleged that he used the police to harass his ex to the extent of having her arrested and detained.

No man in his right senses should ever expect to win a battle with his ex, especially because women are always right, no matter the truth.

In fact, not only will I never fight my ex I’ll, always find ways to make her happy and comfortable should I have the means. This kind of attitude will always remind her of her mistakes.

That is why even though it only lasted for 6 months — and without children involved — should I tomorrow have the means, definitely I’ll eventually check to find out if she and her family would need some help from me. God knows that I’ll do my very best to support her without minding all the lies she fabricated, especially against my baby sister whose only sin was to ship a lot of things from London to her in Dubai because she was her brother’s wife.

It’s better to always seek peace in family matters than war, unless of course one wants to win the battle and lose the war. Certainly, Fani-Kayode knows he is not sure how the whole thing will eventually end — if it ever comes to an end especially with such media involvement.

Elon Musk has since 2000, divorced three times and recently announced the end of his relationship with Grimes. Did he go into the boxing ring to slug it out with Grimes? We have to know that unlike men, divorce comes with a lot of emotional and psychological trauma for women especially when children are involved in the divorce.

Elon Musk didn’t go beyond the public announcement. That’s how men of integrity ought to treat their ex.

He ought to apply wisdom because there will come a day in a man’s life when the man will come to discover that he is now powerless to the extent of needing the protection of his children who may by then be grown ups, but whose mother he divorced and humiliated at the same time.

They may — if they want to be vengeful — want to humiliate you back because mums are next to God to all men.

I think it’s not too late for Fani-Kayode to apply a break. It’s not too late for him to ask his genuine friends to find a way to bring both parties together so that two of them can quickly bring this endless and needless media assaults on each other immediately to an end. As her ex husband, he should still be that husband to her pending when she finds a new husband, someone who will take over from him the husbanding responsibilities.