INTERVIEW: Even with one hand I still slay, says social media influencer thriving despite disability

In a world where physical prowess and conformity are attributed to beauty, there are individuals who refuse to be defined by their limitations or succumb to self-pity. In this interview with TheCable’s JANEFRANCES CHIBUNDU, Mary Micheal, a non-relenting wife and social media sensation whose arm was amputated after nine unsuccessful surgeries, spoke on how she has inspired people living with disability to lead a fulfilling life despite their condition.

TheCable: Share with us your journey of living with disability, how it started and how it has shaped your life.

Mary: It all started in 2019 when I realised there was something wrong with me. It progressed to something serious in 2020. That was the first time I was given a diagnosis that I had a malformation called Arteriovenous malformation (AVM). At first, we thought it was whitlow finger because it affected my index finger. Then, I could no longer bring down my hand. I could no longer do anything. That was what prompted us to go to the hospital and they suggested we do a CT scan. It took months for the results to come out. That was when I was informed that I needed to go for surgery.

Before then, I had done one surgery, trying to see how to salvage the situation. At the time, I was bleeding from that index finger, which resulted in me having multiple other surgeries. I had done a total of nine surgeries before 2019 when I decided that I was tired and wanted the arm off.  I was trying just to save the arm and not become an amputee. While trying to save the whole arm, I lost two fingers; they also removed my palm. It felt like I was bleeding internally. Anywhere with a blood clot, it becomes swollen and painful. Then, in 2017, I left Nigeria for India for surgery. When I came back in 2018, it felt like the surgery was a total waste of time because the whole thing really became terrible.

I told myself that I was done and there was no point in keeping this arm. So, in 2019, I decided to go for an amputation. That was how we got to where we are today. Because I spent a whole lot of my life from 2010 to 2019 basically in and out of the hospital, with all that drama, I could not concentrate on my studies. I could not continue my education at the Nigeria Institute of Journalism with all that in my life. I had to just pick one, my life or the school. I had to start all over at LASPOTECH after the amputation.

TheCable: What role did your family play along the journey?

Mary: My family is the major reason why I am actually here, especially my mom. She stood by me in all the years I spent in the hospital. My parents didn’t just get tired. It is not their fault if anybody gets tired because, sometimes, it can be stressful going to the hospital. We stay very far from the hospital, and shuffling from one hospital to another every day can be stressful. My mom had to sleep most of the time on the floor of the hospital because they didn’t allow guardians to stay on the bed.

When I wanted to go for my amputation, being an only daughter, my dad was literally begging me not to because he felt nobody would want to marry me. My father and I had this father-daughter bond. So, when I walked up to him and told him that I wanted to go for amputation, he cried. That was the first time I’d seen my dad cry. I also had my husband, who was my fiancé then. He never left my side. Anybody could have just influenced his decision, but he stood by me. He was with me throughout the journey. My family and my husband have really been supportive and it has made life much easier. I’m grateful to have them.

TheCable: How did you navigate through pregnancies with your condition and how did the name ‘mummy mix’ come about?

Mary: The only time I faced challenges during my pregnancies was in my first trimesters. I did a whole lot. I danced. I did basically what people thought was not normal. Most times, people thought I was showing off or probably doing a lot. But to me, it was quite natural, easy and simple.

I have three boys already. Before my last child, everybody was calling me “mommy boys” and I didn’t like it because I wanted to have a girl child. I wasn’t comfortable with the “mommy boys” thing because I felt that was attracting more boys to me. So, I had to tell my followers to call me “mommy mix” and it felt cool. We decided to roll with it, even though I don’t have a girl yet.

TheCable: What are some of the biggest challenges you have faced as a person with a disability, and how have you overcome them?

Mary: Obviously, it is not as easy as I make it look. It is not easy navigating life generally with my condition. First, I was not born this way. If I was born this way, I would have mastered it. It was more painful because it happened at the peak of my life when I was still a teenager. I had to relearn basically everything, how to write with my left, how to do things with just one hand; and now, I am even married with three kids.

I never had a maid, just me and my husband doing our chores and our everyday activities. Yet, I still have time to create content for brands that I work for. It has not been easy. There have been lots of backlash. People try to make me look like I am doing too much, while I am just recording my progress and sharing my experience with the world on social media. That alone can make one feel down.

When I want to do some chores that I usually do on my own and the whole thing just gets really overwhelming, I just sit down and cry. If I had my two hands, it would have been way easier for me to just do this. But now, I’ll have to wait for somebody to come around and assist me. That can really be painful. My journey has not really been an easy one.

TheCable: How do you deal with social media trolls and what advice would you give to others living with disabilities who may be facing similar challenges?

Mary: In real life, no one has ever said anything directly to me. But you know, maybe they want to say something; they might just use fake pages on social media to troll me. Before, I used to cry when they said demeaning things to me, like “Your kids will have what you have”, forgetting that it is not hereditary. The malformation that happened to me in particular, I cannot pass it down to anybody. I have grown thick skin. I don’t cry. So, it is not like a coping mechanism. I have just outgrown that stage in my life.

I have always been a confident person. I’m a naturally hyperactive person and a happy person too. It is not me trying to pretend. When my arm was amputated, normally, I was supposed to stay in the hospital for like two weeks. I stayed just for two days because they felt there was no need to keep me.

I have already encouraged myself. So, when people say hurtful things, it only hurts me because sometimes they transfer the whole thing to my children.

But I would say love yourself first before someone else loves you. When I told my husband then about my amputation, when he was still my fiancé, I had made up my mind that even if he decided to break up, it was okay. I was not going to judge him because I had already accepted myself. I have really loved myself the way I am; any other person loving me is a plus. I take my time to praise and encourage myself. So, I would say, no matter how hard it is, love yourself and other things will just follow.