Letter to my son

Dear Son,

Congratulations once again. I am super excited that you are ready to leave the nestlings for that first flight of independence that sets you on a new pedestal of success. As you fledge on to high school, closing out the juvenile stage, I wish you the very best. As a mother, I am naturally pensive and a bit worried about how you will fair without me so close to guide you through many things. But I am also confident that you will excel.

The liberty to come back home is always yours but the warrant to fully live in is gradually been withdrawn. As you reach out from boyhood to catch the stars of maturity, I will like to share with you some life lessons and survival tips required for the different weathers of life. Keep this in your left palm where it is easily accessible for use.
1. School is both a learning field and a playground. Your ability to partition your time between the two defines your successes and failures. Read, Study ahead, Do sports, Learn a new musical instrument and Act in dramas. I advise you to work hard and also play hard, you will benefit from both. However your books and studies first….

2. Define your “A”: Set a higher threshold than the standard to which the school holds you. Understand the grading system. If “A”is 70 in your school, aspire to have “A” that is 90. Strength and Success is a decision that stems from determination, rather than the residual and potentials of your wings. Your determination is the fuel that puts it to its optimal use. Stay focused, stay determined, and set a new and higher height to conquer after each feat.

3. Know God: Have you really met God? Do you know the full implication of giving your life to Christ? You must know God as a father, as a friend and as a teacher. Loving God guides your choices in life. Remember the role of the Chaplin and the Promise keeper as we use to rotate during our devotion at home –the preacher, prayer warrior and the bible devourer; you must be the three. It will help you prepare for priesthood in your home. Trust me, every good daddy is a resident pastor, like every good mummy is a resident nurse, But also remember, the same loving God is a consuming fire. Every of our actions have its consequences. Be Careful!

4. Remember the words of your parents: I know for a fact that you always take permission from us (your Dad and I) before you do anything. However, here you will start taking certain decision independently. You must always ask yourself, will Jesus be happy with me if he sees me doing this? Will my parents be excited about this decision? Whenever you genuinely answer “NO” to any of this question, then you must not do whatever it is you planned to do. The values we have taught you are very important. Stick to them.

5. Grooming and Puberty: As you grow older, your become more aware of the development in your body. You will notice your voice gets deeper, your muscles are more pronounced, some hair may start to sprout on your chin or chest and you may sometimes get an erection. You will also notice something called wet dreams. These are no demons; they are healthy milestones of development. Puberty comes with some odour– brush your teeth, comb your hair and scrub your skin, moisturize your body and use a deodorant. Stay clean and healthy.

6. Relationship: Lust, Infatuation and Love – Who told you, you are in love? Most of what you feel at this age is lust or infatuation. An impure desire to explore your sexual prowess or an intense but short-lived passion generally driven by the physical which may not last past several blinks. It is absolutely normal to feel attracted to friends. Your emotions are wired to have feelings like that, but this is not a license to go beyond borders and misbehave. Love is a strong feeling of affection, love is not a just a feeling but a decision and responsibility that requires the physical, spiritual, emotional and financial maturity. And I know you have barely ticked any of the boxes, so you are not ready. The next time you have butterfly in your tummy as your beautiful classmate pass by, take a cold cup of water, it is not real. Maintain a healthy friendship while in high school. You do not have the capacity required to handle love a this stage. Don’t go there!

7. Don’t !: Don’t s smoke Cigarette, Don’t drink Alcohol, Don’t do Drugs, Don’t have Sex, Don’t watch pornography, Don’t masturbate. Remember the lessons on private and public body. Don’t allow anybody to touch you indecently. You will meet boys who are nice and kind with many of these vices – run away, flee from them like Joseph did. Don’t get raped. Report a bully to the school authority, nothing will happen to you because their threats are never real. Cigarette will damage your lungs, Alcohol will take away your common sense, Drugs will send you to the psychiatry, Pornography and Masturbation will destroy your mind and Sex outside marriage is a blood and spiritual covenant that destroys the future. Don’t! I repeat, Don’t do it!

8. Take Electives in Accounting, Economics, History /Literature: Whatever course you hope to study later in life, take electives in Accounting, Economics, History/Literature. This will help your understanding of strategy, market, money, and enhance your ability to take actions for result. We are in a new age of multi-talents. Explore new career opportunities. Pure science is a facade.

9. Respect Others: Respect the personality of others and do not force them or expect them to be like you. I found that tough to learn myself but it’s the way to go. Be sensitive to people and your environment. Don’t expect too much from friends, they are humans and will sometimes disappoint you. Be emotionally intelligent.

10. Keep It Real: The internet has collapse the world at your feet, and the reality of it. Social media friends are mostly virtual. Cyber advices and instructions are very fluid, from the personal experience of a person which may not be authentic or real. Avoid keeping a physical appointment with cyber friends; many have died doing just that. Live here and now…

11. Failures are Inevitable: Failures are necessary ingredient that ensures we succeed extremely well. Each failure is an opportunity and a learning curve to perform better. Embrace the low times and learn from it. Come out better!

12. Stay Forever Young. value this stage, relish it and keeping it simple as you go along. Learn, Live, Laugh, the world is yours to conquer!

Your mum,
‘Dayo

Oladele Ilori is a wife, mother, a writer, an author, a management consultant and an entrepreneur. She is the convener of WELEAD –www.weleadnetwork.org