‘No government has done what we’ve done in 6 years’ and other Independence Day lies

October 1st was Nigeria’s 61st Independence Day. Did you know it was Independence Day? Did you feel the Independence Day spirit? Were you feeling particularly grateful to our founding fathers? I’m usually an optimistic, glass-half-full kind of person. I also like to live by the Okpameri saying: Ka’amion’ehiema (Transliterates to “Even this is okay”). However, on this occasion of Nigeria’s 61^st Independence Day, for the first time in a long time, I just couldn’t find the energy to celebrate. I’d had plans to wear green with a dash of white on the day, but I couldn’t answer the question: What are we celebrating? Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t because of Nigeria’s problems but the bleakness and general lack of confidence that there are competent hands to tackle these problems. What’s Independence anyway? Even if we take the literal meaning of the word, can we really say Nigeria is independent?

Well, as usual, President Muhammadu Buhari gave a national address on October 1^st to mark the day. I didn’t get to listen to the address live-we need to give special awards to anyone who did. I haven’t listened live to a presidential address in a very long time, even before the advent of the present administration. I wouldn’t have minded if it could be made interactive. Imagine waking up at 7 am to listen to some drab speech.

Anyway, I’ve gone through the speech and reproduced excerpts along with my measured reactions (if I do say so myself):

“Our original priorities for 2020 were to continue stabilising our economy following the deep recession while restoring peace in areas confronted with security challenges. But the COVID-19 pandemic and its devastating impact on all nations meant we needed to shift gears and re-strategize. Nigerians came together as one to fight against COVID-19. It is this attitude and by the special grace of God, we continue to survive the pandemic as a nation and indeed, provide leadership and example at regional and international levels.”

-Should we thank God for COVID-19 then? I suddenly remembered when the president called it COVID one-nine! Nigerians, especially young people, came together to free the COVID-19 relief materials that had been hoarded by politicians. I do believe we have been surviving the pandemic due to the special grace of God who saw that we are suffering enough already.

“The doomsday scenario predicted for our country never came. Even as the Delta variant continues to spread, we have built the capacity we need to respond now and into the future.”

-Hopefully an Edo variant won’t surface. But more seriously, I’m not confident about this capacity we’ve supposedly built.

“… The investments we made in response to COVID-19 will also serve our country to tackle any future disease outbreaks or pandemics. I will take this opportunity to remind the global community that the current state of access to COVID-19 vaccines is unacceptable. We cannot afford a situation where a handful of countries keep the global vaccine supply to themselves at the expense of other nations.”

-What investments? Surely, some of these investments could’ve been listed? And what’s warning the global community? Is this an Independence Day speech or what?

“As we push to source vaccines for our immediate needs, we shall invest more to support our pharmaceutical and research agencies to come up with ideas for locally developed vaccines. Should another pandemic arise in the future, our question is simple; will Nigeria be ready?’

-As Omawumi sang: “If you ask me, na who I go ask?”

“Accordingly, I have directed the Ministries of Finance, Budget and National Planning, Health, Education and Science and Technology to work with Nigerian and International pharmaceutical companies and research organisations to enhance Nigeria’s domestic pharmaceutical capacity.”

-To the uninitiated, the words, “I have directed…” sound so presidential and dynamic. You get the impression of someone fast on the draw, who takes the bull by the horns. But who is the minister of finance? Each time, I have to google her name. The minister of science and technology is Christopher Ogbonnaya Onu. As minister of science and technology, one of his now-infamous ideas was the production of pencils. He reportedly justified this by saying: “We have all the things to produce a pencil, which is used by a large number of people from our young pupils to engineers.” How then can these two work with “Nigerian and International pharmaceutical companies and research organisations to enhance Nigeria’s domestic pharmaceutical capacity”?

“Similarly, on our approach to food security, I am proud to announce Nigeria has commenced its journey to pharmaceutical independence.”

-Did I copy the wrong speech? Food security and pharmaceutical independence? Wetin concern agbero with overload?

“In the last four months, the gallant men and women of the Military and Security Agencies have made tremendous progress in addressing these new security challenges. We are taking the fight to our enemies from all angles, and we are winning.”

-Who will tell the president the truth? No week passes without news of one military base being overrun or soldiers getting killed. Or what’s the definition of winning?

“In the North-East region alone, over eight thousand Boko Haram terrorists have surrendered.”

–Biko, is the North-East not the home of Boko Haram? As for terrorists surrendering, we are possibly implementing a home-grown, never-tried-before system where you can turn evil terrorists into well-behaved citizens just by them surrendering. Is it any wonder insecurity is not abating?

“Therefore, as a government, we are ready to arrest and prosecute all persons inciting violence through words or action. Our resolve for a peaceful, united and one Nigeria remains resolute and unwavering.”

-The government says it’s ready to ‘arrest and prosecute all persons inciting violence through words or action,’ yet the same government is providing a soft landing for Boko Haram terrorists? They’re definitely not arresting and prosecuting ALL persons as some people are obviously sacred cows (no pun intended).

“That said, our hope is not to fight for peace. We can always settle our grievances peacefully without spilling any blood.”

-Someone no doubt thought this was poetic. If you don’t fight for peace, what will you fight for?

“Our media houses and commentators must move away from just reporting irresponsible remarks to investigating the truth behind all statements and presenting the facts to readers.”

-Facts can be deemed irresponsible, depending on which side you are on. Especially a government that operates an Us vs Them system concerning its own citizens.

“We must all come out and speak against the lies being peddled. At this point, I would want to sincerely appreciate the large number of our Traditional, Religious and Community leaders as well as other well-meaning Nigerians who, in their various fora are openly spreading the message of peaceful co-existence and conflict settlement through dialogue in their respective communities.”

-Like the traditional and religious and community leaders who attended the Northern governors’ forum the other day to insist that the president must come from the North come 2023?

“Nigeria is for all of us. Its unity is not negotiable. And its ultimate success can only be achieved if we all come together with a common goal of having peace and prosperity for our nation.”

-I doubt there are many people outside the ruling cabal who truly believe that Nigeria is for all of us. At every juncture, it is made clear that some people ‘own’ Nigeria more than others. People from certain tribes or religions will never be allowed to hold certain positions. For instance, since 1993, there’s been only one Christian FCT (Federal Capital Territory) minister in the person of Jeremiah Useni. Since then, there’s been Mallam Nasir El-Rufai, Muhammadu Adamu Aliero, Aliyu Modibbo Umar, Bala Mohammed, Mohammed Musa Bello. Oh, by the way, no Southerner has ever been FCT minister. The FCT is supposed to be a federal no man’s land, no? And all this talk about Nigeria’s unity not being negotiable, as someone has pointed out, Nigeria’s existence itself was negotiated.

“The recent arrests of Nnamdi Kanu and Sunday Adeyemo, and the ongoing investigations being conducted have revealed certain high-profile financiers behind these individuals. We are vigorously pursuing these financiers including one identified as a serving member of the national assembly.”

-Meanwhile, the same government says it cannot name the six Northerners the UAE has already named as sponsors of terrorism? One Nigeria, indeed! By the way, was it the Nigerian government that arrested Sunday Igboho? And do you arrest before investigating?

“This is a clear example of how people abandon their national leadership positions for their selfish gains. Instead of preaching unity, they are funding and misleading our youth to conduct criminal acts that sometimes lead to unfortunate and unnecessary loss of lives and property. As the so-called leaders run abroad to hide, our innocent youths are misled and left in the streets to fight for their senseless and destructive causes.”

-How is this truculent address an Independence Day speech again?

“Fellow Nigerians, our unrelenting effort at resolving an almost two-decade stalling on the management of our Petroleum resources and ensuring equitable consideration to our host communities has resulted in the enactment of the Petroleum Industry Act, 2021.”

-This is the same Petroleum Industry Act in which host communities got only 3% while a fund for the exploration of oil in frontier basins, mainly in the Northern states, got 30 per cent. Meanwhile this 3% has been rejected by the Southern Governors’ Forum and leaders of the South-south region, like Edwin Clark who’s asking for 10 per cent, or in the minimum, five per cent as had earlier been passed by the House of Representatives. Can you imagine the barefaced injustice and oppression?

“At this juncture, it is very appropriate that I salute the leadership and members of the Ninth Assembly for their patriotism, dedication to duty, candour, and most importantly the dispatch with which they have enacted legacy legislations for this nation. I do not take such level of cooperation for granted and hope it continues for the overall efficiency of the Federal machinery.”

-The 9^th Assembly, a.k.a. the Rubber Stamp Assembly, has candour? This is the same (9^th) Assembly that has been granting approvals for loans unlimited and hasn’t been candid enough to ask for evidence of what previous loans were used for.

“Unfortunately, as our food production capacity has increased, food prices have been going up due to artificial shortages created by middlemen who have been buying and hoarding these essential commodities for profiteering.”

-Food production has increased? What kind of falsehood is this? Farmers cannot access their farms afraid of being murdered by terrorists nicknamed bandits. Hundreds of farmers were slaughtered in Zabamari, Borno State (North-East Nigeria) in November 2020. Their only crime was daring to go harvest in their farms. So, if the government is unwilling to name (or lacks knowledge about) the real cause of high food prices, how can they provide any solutions? Let’s stop deceiving ourselves. Meanwhile, President is “hereby directing the Ministry of Agriculture and Rural Development to rehabilitate the National Food Reserve Agency and also work with security agencies, the Nigerian Commodity Exchange, and the National Assembly to find a lasting solution to these disruptive and unpatriotic hoarding activities.” Really, that’s all it will take?

“We currently have over 13,000 kilometres of roads and bridges under construction all over the country of which a fair percentage have been completed.”

-Well done! But can the federal government look into the Abuja-Okene-Benin Expressway, especially the Lampese-Ibillo section that has been impassable since July? This is the main link between Abuja and southern Nigeria and it’s too important to be ignored.

“The seaports however still remain problematic. The effect of our various interventions to reduce the gridlocks and inefficiencies have been slower than expected.’

-Perhaps, it’s time to develop other seaports, especially in the South-East and South-South?

“We hope our present efforts to ensure all Nigerians use a National Identification Number, as well as our planned roll-out of the fifth generation (5G) network technology, will ensure we stay in line with the global innovation curve as a Nation.”

-The NIN implementation is adversely affecting the ease of conducting business in Nigeria. NIN verification takes months! Let’s not get into the whole (minister of communications and digital economy) Isa Patanmi issue.

“Social media is a very useful platform that has enabled millions of Nigerians to connect with loved ones, promote their businesses, socialise, and access news and other information.”

-You don’t say!

“Rather some users have misused the platform to organise, coordinate, and execute criminal activities, propagate fake news, and promote ethnic and religious sentiments. To address these negative trends, the Federal Government of Nigeria suspended the operations of Twitter in Nigeria on June 5, 2021, to allow the Government put measures in place to address these challenges.”

-Well, special assistant on digital/new media to President Buhari, Tolu Ogunlesi had a hard time explaining this Twitter ban the other day on CNN.

“Following the suspension of Twitter operations, Twitter Inc. reached out to the Federal Government of Nigeria to resolve the impasse. Subsequently, I constituted a Presidential Committee to engage Twitter to explore the possibility of resolving the issue.”

-We are to believe that Twitter reached out to the federal government? You mean Twitter didn’t grovel and roll on the floor? But just by Twitter purportedly reaching out, the government set up a presidential committee? Hmm. Did the government set up a presidential committee before suspending Twitter?

“It is for this reason that we are refocusing the Nigerian Civil Service to provide World-class service to run our country.”

-Lol. The same Nigerian c (e)vil) service? Ok o. Kontinu.

“The youths of this great country remain propellants for our today and provide guarantees that we would have a secure tomorrow.”

-Not the youths who were killed for protesting against EndSARS? Or the ones being denied freedom of expression with the clampdown on Twitter?

“The commitment of this Administration to the well-being of people living with disabilities remains unwavering.”

#Lori iro (On top of lies). Suffice it to say that Nigerians not living with disabilities have yet to feel government’s commitment to their well-being.

“As we begin to celebrate our sixty-one years as a Nation, we need to be conscious that Nigeria does not start and end with the Federal Government. This country is a great collective where Government at all arms and levels as well as the private sector, and more importantly individuals, have a role to play. In particular, security is a bottom to top undertaking. Joining hands and hearts together would enable us to secure ourselves and our country.”

-They don’t remember the country is a collective when they’re travelling around the world enjoying the benefits of office. It’s only when it comes to accepting responsibility for the job, they signed up for that they remember that it’s a collective. Which one is ‘security is bottom to top undertaking’? Are you telling me that I, an ordinary person with no special security qualifications, have more undertaking than President Buhari, a retired Army general? Mind you, during the campaigns, no one mentioned this bottom-top undertaking as they promised to wipe out insecurity.

“But critics misdiagnose incremental progress as stagnation. Since coming to power, this Administration has tackled our problems head-on in spite of the meagre resources. No government since 1999 has done what we have done in six years to put Nigeria back on track.”

-If back on track is by Nigeria overtaking India and China as the country with the world’s poorest, then it must be the poverty track. Nigeria has a dubious population of 200 million while India is over 1 billion and China also has over 1 billion people. How does a country of 200 million overtake countries with over 2 billion people? This happened in the last six years. I suppose we have to agree that indeed no government since 1999 has done what the Buhari administration has done.

“We shall continue to serve the country: listen to all and protect our democracy and country.”

-Serve? Listen? Protect? Dear Nigerians, can you confirm that this government is doing any of this?