One year after #EndSARS: Cowed but not defeated

Last year, I was a stubborn, fervent, young woman with a heart full of hope & ready to fight irregardless of the consequences.

I fought the battle of my life alongside millions of young Nigerians.

As we fought to #EndSARS, we also fought for the soul of the country. For once, it felt like the fault lines were shifting & our voices would be respected.

Sure, we were fueled by pain, but in the faces of thousands of young people across many rally points, hope came alive.

Nigerians became proud to be Nigerians again.

We remembered what it meant to stand in solidarity.

Today, I’m a young woman with a heart full of dying hope, beaten and battered by the state called Nigeria.

Many may have moved on but others are yet to recover from the shock & trauma of being targeted with state-sanctioned violence to punish us for fighting for our lives.

We are yet to overcome being persecuted for asking that the indiscriminate extrajudicial killings of young people stop.

It’s been a year, where many young persons’ lives screeched to a halt. Many had to flee their homeland because they were harassed by state agents.

Many became practice targets for the state’s revenge on the global exposure of the deep corruption, unwarranted killings & impunity in the country.

Many paid the price & sacrifice their lives. Many are lucky to be alive but unable to fully exist & function as a result of trauma.

Many ended up in jails, DSS cells & are still illegally detained, paying the price of being criminally profiled, while many allies who stood in those streets with us, holding the green white green flag and offering empty platitudes closed their eyes to the injustice happening & moved on.

A 17-year-old girl gave birth in prison, doubly punished for being a pregnant and unwed passerby at the protest’s ground.

The state didn’t care. It just wanted scapegoats as a reminder to others never to speak up again.

“We are not like our parents’ generation”, we chanted.

“We will not back down, we will follow through & stand tall irregardless of whatever you do to us”, we promised.

Today, how many can boldly say they stood after the media spotlight shifted to other events?

How many of you bullied your friends or felt tired of talking about EndSARS?

Many came into my inbox, asking me to stop carrying #EndSARs on my head, others insulted and accused front-liners of trying to “blow” & earn money from the movement.

The rest pitied and looked from afar while the Nigerian state instruments battered people who decided to keep flying the flag.

Many fought battles they shouldn’t as we finally allowed our cause to become weakened by divide and conquer tactics.

I tried to pick up pieces of my life too. I had now become an unwilling public figure, a young person thrust into the frontlines of a global movement. What choice did I have?

Education was one of the most important things to my family, however, it almost killed me.

I remember trying to go back to school & almost losing my life. I tried to raise an alarm, but my conscience pricked me.

“At least you aren’t dead yet”, that inner voice said. What about those who faced worse & died?

What was more devastating was a glaring absence of support for front-liners, who looked back, & found no one, left all alone to fight battles.

How many of you reached out to front-liners, people you encouraged to stand, to ask if they were doing okay?

A certain activist spent over 11 months of her life, stuck in a house crippled by post-traumatic stress disorder that manifested as nightmares, agoraphobia, and extreme paranoia.

Frozen bank accounts/a seized passport was the least of my problems. I was almost stabbed in front of my school & chased by gunmen past my home.

My house address was leaked online by a pro-govt account, ensuing in my family becoming targets. My Mom was almost stabbed close to home.

Education seemed out of reach as I faced targeted discrimination when I tried to access my transcripts.

I got name-called; ‘school dropout’, ‘illiterate’, ‘get something else to do with your life’, etc.

Many incidences became less random each day.

I knew I would die and nothing would happen, so recently, I left, leaving everything I know & worked hard for: friends, family, loved ones to a strange land.

It was shocking how many CSOs/organizations also became mute, prey to the silencing of this regime?

It’s time for us to reflect on how comfortable we are with recent happenings or if we need a country that can work. Are we tired of asking that the right thing be done?

Over the last 11 months, I saw many people get killed for preventable reasons while the onus lied on the state to stop the killings.

Nigeria is on a rollercoaster. It’s been 61 years of letting mad people, of running Nigeria to the ground.

Many ask what the impact of #EndSARS is?

This question has shown that many Nigerians are not ready to fight for actual change.  Our salvation remains collective.

Today, I’m happy to get back to school & keep learning how to contribute more to the society.

It’s our collective business to make our society sane.

If you ignore, kidnappers/bandits will not allow you rest. If not, EFCC officers will break down your door in the middle of the night, or police shoot you in the streets.

Many paid the price & are still paying the price.

For 8 months, I have worked on @HubNGR, to be a citizen-centered project that aids in getting help to marginalized people via social media.

It started to ensure momentum isn’t lost & showcase why we fight.

The fight hasn’t ended. It may have gone off your TV screens, your attention may have waned but police brutality is still on the increase.

We are live @HubNGR, a community of young people creating access to help in due time for innocent victims of police brutality, and documenting state-sanctioned violence. Follow us on IG: instagram.com/hubngr

We look forward to actively working with organizations towards reducing cases of police impunity, harassment, and state-sanctioned violence. Volunteer/Sign Up to the community.

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that actually matter.”