Pre-conception: Eliminating self-sabotaging patterns

You’ve prayed, fasted, read all the books on pregnancy, maintained a healthy body with a perfect Body Mass Index (BMI), you’ve set yourself on the right path, and just when you are doing great, you do something that blows it all apart by engaging in a lifestyle that further delays the success of the healthy conception and pregnancy you are seeking.

Maintaining a healthy body weight is important for both men and women’s overall health and their ability to conceive. It has been suggested that women who are obese often experience increased levels of estrogen, which often throws the hormonal balance off and increases insulin levels in the process, thereby affecting ovulation. Obesity, drinking and smoking in men has also been said to have led to reduced sperm counts and quality.

Destructive patterns of behavior or sabotage are formed from internalizing attitudes that were directed toward us by parents or influential caretakers at the different stages of our development. The causes of self-sabotage are often beyond our conscious awareness. It occurs when there is no congruence between what we say and what we really want. So you see yourself procrastinating on the lifestyle and dietary changes you need to embark on. As an Australian online natural health magazine puts it “Self-sabotage can be described as a combination of negative thoughts, feelings and self-defeating behaviors, caused by low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth and confidence that create roadblocks on the path to success”.

The first step of resolving this limiting pattern is by coming to a point of self-awareness by putting a cost to the patterns or behavior.  For example, if your parents or spouse sees you as unworthy, you may grow up and go about feeling unworthy and incapable of following through on your goals in life. Instead, reflect upon your life and write down every instance and every experience you had that reinforced this belief. Try to trace this back to the earliest experience.

Challenge every evidence that suggests that you are unworthy and incapable of being all that you aspire to be. Think of any real life examples when a statement like this, for example “I am unworthy” was not true and make a list of all your achievements no matter how little they seem to be. Write that all the evidences and use them as daily affirmations. So, for example, instead of saying “I am so slow and can’t achieve anything meaningful in life” modify this by saying, “I love my new healthy lifestyle and I am dedicated at it”. Statements made in the present tense trick the body into believing this statement to be a current reality. The subconscious mind does not know the difference between perception and reality.

Lastly bask in the mental imagery of the lovely family you so desire. How does your body feel? How did people around you react at the birth of your miracle babies? Also learn to select your thoughts. A popular quote I love so much is “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things”. 

Ify is a Life, Emotions and Behavioral Change Coach who is passionate about helping women and couples navigate their journey to fertility and  parenthood. Send your emails to [email protected] for more enquiries on her fertile lifestyle method. Follow on twitter @fertilelifestyle.