Senator Abbo, sir… imma need you to take a seat

Senator Elisha Abbo… Bruh, Imma need you to ‘Take a Seat!’ 

Look, I know that this mess created by Senator Elisha Abbbo where he was seen on a video behaving like a ‘Neanderthal Subspecies of Archaic Human’ inside an iniquitous carnal outlet is a dead horse beaten to a pulp, but I’m going to have to resurrect the Stallion, for every time I see the footage my blood literally boils. It has become imperative to serve this ‘Numpty’ a roasting and his very own special Prescription. So, here we go…

On May 11th 2019 at around 6pm, it is alleged that this ‘Constipated Clown’ went to look for some debauched excitement with three young women to buy all sorts of nonsense. One of the women he went with was reported to have regurgitated some matter of solid presence. God knows what she must have ingested prior to coming to the shop but this was said to have irritated the shop owner, and rightly so. Already with vexation in the atmosphere, once they added some allegation of a poisoned air conditioner, accusations of intoxication and an argument between both parties into the mix, it was a perfect storm that drastically aggravated an already tense situation.

The events unfolded under the unrelenting eye of Closed Circuit TV, which captured this ‘Douchebag’ inside a disgusting environment making calls and was soon joined by a police officer whom he asked to arrest the shop owner. Like the ‘Cowardly Lion’ who traipsed the Land of Oz with Dorothy not having a slither of courage, this ‘Trifling Bully’ shamelessly told the police officer that the lady in the shop had “insulted him and called him a drunk, stupid and mad.” To be fair, with the behavior that ‘Yours Truly’ exhibited, the lady sounds like she was right on the money. He ‘did’ behave like a drunk and stupid mad man.

As the shop owner was placing a call to her father to explain the situation, this ‘Legislative Nincompoop’ became angry and demanded for her to disconnect the call. Like the prodigious neck of a giraffe with all seven vertebrae intact, he reached out and made an attempt to snatch the phone and, in response, the victim tried to intervene and asked him to calm down. That was the beginning of how the victim in this case got manhandled by this ‘Lecherous Brute.’

Angered, ‘Mr. I-Am-Going-To-Abuse-People-Because-I-Am-A-Senator’ proceeded to rain abuses at her, push and punch her in the head, after which he slapped her severally. He obviously was not thinking that this civilian woman was someone else’s child, sibling, wife, mother or friend. He continued to strike at her. He then commanded the indefensible police that escorted him to arrest both women, stating that he would make an example of them. An example of what exactly? An example of how people in position of leadership are intoxicated by their power and above the law, while ordinary civilians are constantly being intimidated and subjugated? Was that the example you wanted to set, Lord Mr. Senator?

Well, as it happens, he wasn’t too far off the mark because although the assault was reported at the Maitama Area Command Headquarters on May the 14th, the authorities failed to act against ‘Duke Not-Too-Young-To-Be-A-Moron.’ However, once the video of the assault had gone viral, the outrage expressed by the public forced this ‘Unassuming Aggressor’ to publicly apologize.

Sometime after the pressure forced him to publicly address the situation, ‘Sniffles’ gave a tearful apology. Together with the rest of the nation, I watched the press conference. But Folks, I’m sorry to say that… I am yet to drink the cool aid.

You see, when someone voluntarily and unilaterally makes the choice of confessing his wrongs, it most likely means that they have a conscience and core sets of moral values. As people, we make mistakes everyday and the ability to admit to those mistakes says a lot about a person’s character. However, making mistakes is different to making poor choices. Behaving like a violent, monstrous savage, reminiscent of a wild animal who goes into a nefarious setting and proceeds to wallop Nursing mothers is actually not a mistake but a deliberate choice. Forget about this ‘Overzealous Chump,’ when any man gets caught abusing a woman, we must appreciate that he made a choice to commit that abuse.

So was the chi-chi response that ‘Swipper’ gave meaningful and genuine? In order to determine that, one must carefully observe what he did before the condemnatory footage came to light and his apology during his press conference. As he sat and exerted pressure on his lacrimal gland in order to stimulate the emotions necessary to produce fluid from his blinkers, ‘Dude’ tried to apologize. And just like a Crocodile that generates tears not linked to emotion, the fluid from this ‘Intimidator’s’ tear ducts proceeded to clean and lubricate his eyes.

When he said he was sorry, it would have generally implied that he felt remorse or regret for having caused pain and distress. With true regret, people genuinely feel shame for their actions. But one must distinguish this from the possibility of him simply feeling guilty because he was caught. There’s a possibility that he felt momentarily bad that he did something wrong, but not completely regret it. The guilt comes from recognizing that what he did was wrong but not from actually feeling sorry that it happened. Guilt or recognition of wrong-doing in and of itself is not enough when one hurts another person. It is necessary for the abuser to feel sorry for the action and wish that they hadn’t committed it.

But there was no sense that he was sorry for his actions and wished he hadn’t committed it until he was caught. Guilt often arises only because someone gets caught. That is most likely what happened in this case. If this man truly had remorse or regret for the act in the first place, in the absence of the public outcry, he would have reached out to the victim way before he was forced to do so.

Regretting something is personal and internal, while apologizing is a social function. What this ‘Sack of Filth’ did during his press conference was a social function ignited from necessity because he was caught, not because he internally felt guilty for his actions. This can be further buttressed by the reports of the actions he took in the aftermath of the incident where it was alleged that he went back to the scene of the crime and warned of dire consequences should there be video evidence of the assault. In addition, he also tried to cover his tracks by arrogantly telling a story filled with fibs.

Now, there are a couple of things that need to be done to resolve this matter to the satisfaction of the victim, women who get abused daily and Nigerians who feel contempt at his atrocious act.

First up, The Senator’s political party should suspend him. In a statement released on Wednesday, July 3rd, after the incriminating video surfaced, the lawmakers party, the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), condemned his “act of lawlessness and callousness.”While the party announced that it has commenced investigation into the matter and summoned Abbo in line with the provisions of its constitution, he should have also been suspended pending the investigation.

Next, he should have been suspended by the Senate. As a Senator of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, this ‘Biped’ is supposed to make and support laws that protect the citizens of this great country, not act like an ‘Aggressive Alligator’ at the peak of mating season. During its plenary on Wednesday, July 3^rd, the Nigerian Senate set up an ad-hoc committee to investigate the case against one of its own. The committee was directed to give fair hearing to all sides and submit its report in two weeks. While we await the report, this ‘Mug’ should have been suspended till the outcome of the investigation seeing that he admitted to committing the heinous act between snivels during his lame apology.

Following that, his constituency should begin the conversation on the recall process for the “gross Misconduct” he displayed. A recall is a constitutional instrument voters can use to unseat a serving lawmaker before the end of their tenure. The process should be followed according to the Electoral Act in a manner that allows INEC to send a Certificate of Recall to the Senate President to effect the recall and declare the ‘Undistinguished Senators’ seat vacant. With that, INEC would then conduct a by-election to elect his replacement, who hopefully wont mooch into sleazy situations and proceed to assault women.

This ‘Anti Genius’ should also be sued by the victim in a civil suit that will force him to pay damages to the lady who was at the receiving end of his wrath on that fateful day.

Moreover, this young Senator should do another press conference in which he apologizes to the victim and the Nigerian public for telling porkies when the video initially became public. Immediately after the clip surfaced, the lawmaker was defiant and alleged that the video was compressed and edited in a certain way to make him look guilty because he was a politician. He persistently noted that the incident happened a long time ago, before he became a Senator and claimed that his younger sister was beaten to a pulp in the shop and that he was retaliating to this.(So his younger sister goes to that kind of shop as well?) However, the incident reportedly happened on May 11^th, 2019 exactly one month before the 41-year-old lawmaker was sworn into the 9th Senate. The lawmaker was ‘already’ Senator-elect in March because the National Assembly elections took place on February 23rd 2019. So together with being a woman beater, he is also a fibber.

Additionally, in line with the Nigerian Constitution and The Penal Code, he must be prosecuted before the competent court of law without any reservation till the matter reaches its legal conclusion. The matter is now ‘Sub-Judice’ and before the court. He has pleaded ‘Not Guilty in court despite the fact that he alluded to committing the crime in his press conference.

Furthermore, since this ‘Shining Beacon of the Nigerian Senate’ seems partial to a bit of combat theatrics, perhaps Nigeria should sponsor a Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) fight between him and Andy Ruiz Jr. in a locked cage where striking and grappling from various combat sports and martial arts would be allowed. “How about that, Distinguished Senator? Let us see if you are as good at battling your fellow man as you are a woman. How would you like that; ehhh?

Finally, Senator Elisha Abbo should do the noble thing by offering his resignation and use his time productively by heading off to seek counseling and anger management. His voluntary resignation from office would restore his integrity and the public would offer him a clean slate to start again. At 41 years, he is still young enough to press the reset button on his political career.

Since this case has become public, a Smorgasbord of other abuses Nigeria’s youngest Senator is alleged to have committed has come to light. Now, if these emerging reports of his wrath are legitimate, we may not just be dealing with a power drunk legislature, this may be a person with issues that repeatedly treats others with cruelty or violence. Only time will tell how this element will factor into his case.

If nothing else, this man has reminded this nation of the importance of holding our leaders accountable. He has proved to be a huge disappointment for the youths and the ‘not too young to run movement.’ Hanging out in a shop of the nature that he was in, threatening women and thumping nursing mothers is just not a good example for any generation. But he must take responsibility for his actions. It has no connotations on those in his demographic, his political party, constituency, religion, region, family or any other person. He alone committed his crime. He alone must face the music. But just think, if he was so comfortable assaulting women in the way he did publicly, Lord only knows what he is capable of behind closed doors.

-Yes, roasting and prescription have been served!

Tongue-in-Cheek name calling aside, I still am not too sure why I have had such a strong reaction to this 9 minute 59 second video clip of this ‘National Embarrassment’ as he tried to beat up a woman. In my professional career, I have seen much worse, but for some reason, this incident cuts deep.

So together with the rest of the nation, as we watch the latest drama unfold, I no longer want the disgraceful Senator to take a seat. Instead, “Imma need Senator Elisha Abbo to take… Several Seats!”

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