[SISI WENDY] Can you fart around your partner?

Girls, ever wondered what guys really thought about some intimate things we share with them but they never say for fear of getting us upset, resulting to fights and all? And Guys, ever wondered what girls thought of those weird things you do in the name of being comfortable?

Now there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being comfortable in your relationship. But, according to a random vox populi, there is a certain level of comfort that is a no-no and can indeed, if not addressed, eventually end the relationship.

Wrapper/hairnet

This is the most emphasised of relationship concerns towards the ladies. In the beginning, you were smashing hot in your jeans and tee, and the moment you both get comfortable enough, you switch to wrapper wearing above the chest. To the modern guy, it is a huge turn-off. He wants to come back to that smoking hot girlfriend he stopped and flirted with, not an ekaette wannabe.

Where do you even come off wearing wrapper in this age and time? I know it can be as comfortable as ever but would you rather that was the cause to the sudden end of your relationship? Most guys complain that the idea to get jiggy immediately zaps away once they see their better half struggling to look like their village counterparts. Making the idea of cheating a possibility and a most likely recipe for infidelity.

Solution: If putting on the full regalia is as burdensome (of which I know it can be. The days seeking assurance is long gone so why bother?) But simple dresses such as bum shorts and a tank top or a loose yet alluring long tee would do the trick. You should find ways to sustain the level the physical aspect of your relationship is because if that was part of the attraction, it is extremely important it remains consistent.

Underwear

If you ever thought your better half seeing your underwear hanging loose at odd places would spark a certain sensual sense in him as a cue to anticipate the greater part, then you have been wrong all along. It is on the contrary. Now its not 100% certain but according to a greater vote, panties hanging loose in the bathroom or worse, soaked in a bucket waiting to be washed, are by far the worst thing in a man’s book against the womenfolk.

As sexy as that bikini is on you, they don’t find it as sexy off you and all over the place. Not ever in sight, they’d rather be kept off that aspect while in the relationship.

Solution: Now I know how intimate our underwear are to us women and the very thought of exposing that intimacy to the public by spreading our privates out to the world aka on the cloth lines outside is more or less a taboo but consider the health implications. Look at it from this angle, spreading it to dry under the sun aids the killing of bacteria. Drying by sunlight is always advisable so find a secluded part where you know it’s not a spectacle for the universe and allow nature take its course while you preserve your relationship.

Fart

Guys bending to one side and releasing that stench in support of air pollution is a huge turn-off and doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t love you when we say no to it. The ability to effectively and freely fart in front of your girlfriend is not a determinant of their love for you. The same way the first two can be considered as offences is the same way this is considered a huge offence.

Do you even realise the stench is similar to that of what a sewer has preserved for a while? It’s a no-no and there is no such thing as ‘it doesn’t smell’ or ‘it was just a little’.

Solution: Please excuse yourself and proceed to the bathroom when you want to ease yourself and use an air freshener after you if you don’t mind, dear guys. This applies to the ladies too if you are guilty of this offence please take note and desist from the unspeakable act by doing the necessary and the right thing.

Sleepovers

I just found out as well that a couple of things that happen at sleepovers are offences, such as coming over to spend the night without your ‘necessary amenities’; amenities such as a nighty or toiletries. Apparently, guys don’t like it when we say, “can I have a tee-shirt and boxers?” or “do you have a spare toothbrush I can use?” It’s not cute, it is annoying according to them, and a certain amount of consistency in it can actually be a part of the collated reason a relationship ends.

A man doesn’t find a woman who does not put in order the necessary things she’d need for a sleepover attractive. No amount of comfortable can convince them. Offence gets worse if the better half is coming from her house as opposed to coming from work or the club or a late night outing, of which these latter options are exceptions to the rule.

According to one guy, “worst is when she comes out of the bathroom in a towel and intends to stay that way”, while another said: “I’d rather I come into the bathroom and her overnight pack full of toiletries are neatly arranged at a corner in there.”

Solution: This is as direct as it gets. If you are going over for a sleepover at you man’s, please ‘gather’ yourself properly. Get your necessary toiletries and your nightgown and any other thing you feel will be needed. This even gives you a chance at picking out your most alluring nighty just to add to the fun. Oh, and might I add, the number of underwears is also a thing of concern. Men do not find the fact that women ‘wash and wear’ underwear during a sleepover attractive. Always bring the same number of underwear as the number of nights you would be sleeping over, because, don’t forget, ‘wash and wear’ reverts back to point two.

Panty liners

Apparently, this is a bedroom offence. Seeing a liner lining your panty when taken off during the proceeding of sexual intercourse is a huge turnoff for the male folks. Worst, if the vaginal secretion has stained the liner, especially for those who do not even use the liner. Now to us women, liners are a way of staying hygienic. It captures the secretion and keeps us fresh down there. But you see most women are either careless or have abused the actual purpose of the liners by not taking note of the fact that liners should be changed regularly. A lot of women leave it in there for twenty-four hours, which if you take away the man’s disgust, isn’t healthy for her.

Solution: They don’t mind waiting; when that time comes, the men would rather she, knowing what is about to ensue, do the needful by going to clean up and prepare the area. They aren’t saying you shouldn’t use your liners; just don’t let them see it. It’s a serious offence. By the way, cleaning up before intercourse even make your comfortable with your body knowing you’re as fresh as you can be.

Sanitary Towels

It’s more of a concern to me that the men mentioned this as a thing of concern. According to testimonies, a lot of women, when comfortable, parade in their sanitary towels. The very idea irks me. Some men complained that their better half would even clean and wear it in front of them. Talk about a real life gory movie. And in their defence, if they don’t do it in front of them [their spouse] who else would they do it in front of?

Solution: If you have been doing this, please stop. It is irritating enough to us, why drag them into it? Excuse yourself, clean up and return to him. No one should see that aspect of you. It’s your innermost private side. One thing you have to yourself that isn’t shared with another, so make it as private as possible. Don’t let them welcome the idea of not having to see it from the side chick. One of them said at a point, he had to ask his side chick if she sees her period at all because she doesn’t do it in front of him. It’s a real as it gets when they’d rather pick that option of having someone who only comes to them when she isn’t on her period.

Toilet Seat

Don’t you just hate it when you go to pee and you sit on the toilet and immediately stand because the toilet seat is wet? It’s repulsive. There is nothing as annoying as a wet toilet seat and guys are guilty of it, naturally so. Hardly a lady’s crime and if the possibility should come up, though hardly, it’s because she suspended midway, thereby avoiding the seat. Which is still most likely not.

Solution: It doesn’t take a second, even a split. When you are pressed, no matter how much, simply raise the toilet seat up before you ease yourself and please put it back down when you’re done. Peradventure it was so bad you couldn’t wait, please wipe it clean afterwards with a tissue paper. It doesn’t really hurt to try.