[SISI WENDY] How to make her stop thinking about her ex

If your lover is always thinking about her ex while with you and you would like to turn the situation around, do not fret. The sooner you realise there is a reason she left him, the better for you. But then you have to find out the reason she made a commitment to you as well.

There are two things involved in getting your partner to stop thinking about her ex. First, let’s establish a fact. If she is still in love with him, then there is little or nothing you can do about it. She will continue to give him twenty percent off a hundred worth of attention ─ albeit the bulk of eighty is being showered on you. There is a high possibility that she doesn’t want to still have that emotional attachment to him, but like the saying goes, you can’t help the one you love and the first cut is the deepest (if that is her case).

The only reason why that bridge still exists is because you are allowing it in the first place, with all the wrong moves you made. However, you would need to pay patience a fortune because you’re going to need a lot of it.  Time might be all she needs to outgrow the attraction and connection to her ex. Time ─ and the few steps below.

Undo the wrong things. The disappearance from your duties, the constant breaks in transmission… you don’t have to follow the honeymoon myth. A woman’s mind is a haven for possible thoughts once given the chance. You shouldn’t let that happen. Don’t give excuses when you know it can be avoided. Relationship is a commitment to be with someone; if you aren’t ready for that kind of commitment, then you shouldn’t be in one in the first place. There is always that benefit of the doubt you award someone you’re meeting for the first time, pending the follow-up days of proper bonding.

Paranoia at the initial stage is a huge turn off. We all have our minute trust issues no matter how much we try to ignore the fact, and of course our emotional baggage from previous relationships, but it simply won’t be fair to carry it all over to the next one. Start on a clean slate and give it time. It would naturally come up if your intentions are pure, and you’d feel lightened eventually. Trust is a vital form of a relationship and regardless of past experiences, everyone deserves and is entitled to it until proven otherwise.

The initial excitement that comes with a relationship is bliss. It doesn’t have to stop though. So, yes you became busier, or the job became more hectic with you leaving town one week or another, your relationship doesn’t have to suffer because of it. She didn’t make that happen, but she certainly will understand if you talk to her about it and make her see reason why certain things had to change.

But that doesn’t mean it ends there. Always find a back-up plan. If you can’t meet at regular times during the week, save all of it for a special treat during the weekend. Let her know she might not see you all the time, but you’re still there. Like I said, the mind is a very powerful place, don’t give it a chance to wander off to memoires of her ex. Women are a lot more vulnerable than imagined.

Do the right things. There naturally shouldn’t be a reason why she should miss her ex if you’re doing the right things. Time is a virtue if you explore its many benefits. When you’re not busy working or saving the world, spend that quality time with her. Remain the sweet person you are, regardless of the fact that this might spark some memories. These memories only come back to form, if your sweetness takes a mini-vacation. Make sure your intentions are genuine and not just for the moment. Communication is key. Always let her know what is happening on the go.

Her thoughts will be centred on you if she’s sure you will keep her updated on the happening in your life when you both aren’t together.  Remain the royal awesomeness you are. Keep to dates and meetings. Don’t falter on that once-a-week dinner. Let her see your consistency and be assured it’s not a show-off to get her attention. Keep that attention. But in everything be moderate. You don’t want to overdo it and end up choking her. While you’re showing her you’re there, make her miss you a little. To see the other side of what it’s like when you’re not there. Just like you feel when she’s not.

Talk to her. At this point, talk isn’t cheap. Talk is very important. Many people neglect the importance and necessity of this. It comes free of charge, why not take advantage? If you can’t talk to your partner then you have to review your relationship. There shouldn’t be anything you can’t talk about. A suspicious text message, past relationships, vulnerabilities, mistakes, the future, etc talking helps you bond. It helps you know your partner more, their weaknesses and strengths. After all, you met a total stranger. You can’t just expect everything to fall into place because you both have been on that terrain before.

Find out what bothers her, what might pose as a threat for you in your relationship, why she thinks of her ex, what it is you’re doing wrong in her sight, and what right things you can offer, what the future is for you two, or are you just playing around, a rebound lover or a step back to her previous relationship. There is nothing more important than having that assurance in a relationship and it works both ways. That can only be achieved when you talk to each other. You’d be amazed at what the possibilities are when you do so.