[SISI WENDY] Why women won’t wait if marriage talk is not forthcoming

Men often lament that a lady tends to end a relationship when the future direction is not on the agenda. Maybe she is not always at fault – and these could be why.

Uncertainty. Nothing more spews uncertainty than a man who doesn’t give a straight answer when posed with the question of the immediate future. A girl who has dated a guy for a while (more than two years) wants to know how long and what direction the relationship is going.

Singularity. If you are constantly speaking in the singular terms, your girlfriend will get the impression there isn’t a future for you both. If you really had her in your nearest future, you would have converted your ‘I’ to ‘we’ regardless. You would see yourselves in the longer term enough to include her in your decision-making for the future.

Decision-making. Girls can, by merely observing how you make decisions and handle issues, know when she is being included in the picture of where you both are going with the relationship. Once she finds out it isn’t according to how she would expect it should go, she would take a walk.

Attitude towards the relationship. The most important thing in a relationship is trust. This also feeds into your attitude towards the relationship. If she gives you advice and you just go ahead and do what you want or if she complains about a particular issue and you disregard it or shove it aside as nothing, you’re losing her faster than you’d imagine.

Romantic disposition. You don’t necessarily have to be a die-hard romantic for her to know you care a great deal about her or are thoughtful towards her. Little things count. Money spent, time spent, things bought without asking, etc. if you are lagging in that area at this point in your relationship, she would be wondering what it would be like in the future for you both.

Career and ambition. Even if you aren’t a high flyer, you must at least have a plan of how to cater for you both should you eventually jump the broom. Even if your intentions towards the relationship are good, it isn’t enough that you would rather lay around by her side or wait for her to come home from her job and you’d have open hands out waiting for her like you’ve been doing all day – literally. If you can’t get a job or sustain one and even have bigger ambitions, don’t be surprised when she finds the next cab.

External relationships. You’ve been dating for three years or so and you never felt the need to introduce her to your parents? Or you have a certain set of friends she only gets to see – like people not in your inner circle. Or there are only specific places you both go to. So what exactly are you doing leading her on? Kindly save the fair lady the stress of announcing she’s taking off and tell her it’s over.

How you spend your time. Are you the busy type? Hardly have time? Always working? Expecting her to understand? I mean that’s all you ask, isn’t it? Even when you have time you’d rather spend it sleeping and getting prepped for the next line of work? Get my drift?

Final chance. We aren’t devils, you see. If Jesus can give us multiple chances, then we can give a second, third and maybe a fourth just to see if these points could be overlooked and forever after can be actualised. But apparently, we are humans after all, and not Jesus, and we will reach our limits at some point and actually leave.