The strange case of Dr. Stephen and Mr. Keshi

In Nigeria politics, when a politician is eyeing a return to office after being booted out four years earlier – or less through impeachment – people rhetorically ask: “What did he forget in government house?”

The Yoruba translation sounds even better: “Ki ni lagbaja gba gbe si ile gomina?”

Stephen Keshi is back as coach of the Super Eagles of Nigeria, so it is pertinent to ask: “What did Keshi forget in Eagles’ dugout?”

We are not Keshi, but we can cash in on the situation.

We look into the mind of the Big Boss and hazard five guesses about how he would go about his job now, using the style of Scottish author Robert Louis Stevenson in his 1886 book, Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

The book is about a London lawyer, Gabriel John Utterson, who investigates strange occurrences in his friend, Dr. Henry Jekyll and the evil Edward Hyde.

The book is linked with the rare mental condition often called “split personality”, referred to in psychiatry as dissociative identity disorder, where within the same body, there exists more than one distinct personality.

In this case, we try to reveal the two personalities within Dr. Stephen and Mr. Keshi – one apparently good and the other evil – as he goes about searching for what he forgot in Eagles’ dugout.

PLAYERS CALL-UP

Dr. Stephen

Pre-October 16, my invitation of players to the national team raised eye-brows. Admittedly so.

Current form of players took the backseat, especially if the player happens to be in my black book.

All that has now been buried in the past – I’ve learnt more in the 15 days I spent at home than in the last 15 years of my life.

I have recalled fans favourite, Ikechukwu Uche, to the fold in my first assignment after my recall – releasing the squad to face Congo and South Africa in November.

We had several spat in the past but now it’s over.

One recall deserves another!

Mr. Keshi

In those 15 days, I read and reread The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene.

I particularly read and reread Law 3.

And I quote verbatim the preface to this law:

Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defence. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelop them in enough smoke, and by the time they realise your intentions, it will be too late.

So, you gloat that Uche is back in my team, right?

You never cease to make me laugh.

Uche and his stubborn likes will watch and not play. And when they play, it will be out of position 10 minutes to the end of a match.

When he’s injured is when he will make my starting 11. He’ll endure the pain but end up aggravating it. He’ll be out for the season and I won’t be blamed again for not calling him.

After all, I called him before.

RESULT ON THE PITCH

Dr. Stephen

It’s bad for my CV to have won just two games in my last 11 matches as coach of the African champions.

Imagine “wobbling and fumbling” in an Africa Cup of Nations group with lesser quality teams like Congo, South Africa, and Sudan. That’s unacceptable!

Now that I’m back, I’ll right all the wrongs and select the right players that will ensure we beat Congo in their backyard and spell “south” in the name of the country of Nelson Mandela.

I promise my fans that and I want them to realise that it is better to “win through your actions, never through argument”.

That’s Law 9, in case you don’t know.

Mr. Keshi

I hear people say that as defending champions, it’ll be a shame not to be in the next AFCON. I have seen, read, and heard more shameful things!

I won’t bore you with the ignoble list but be prepared to face it – your country will not play in Morocco or wherever the competition will be held.

I’m back to continue from where I stopped – at the brink of not qualifying. And I’ll keep it up!

I’ll create animosity among the players and they will lose in Congo and pick a draw in Uyo, Akwa Ibom state.

A coach is as good as his last results against Congo and South Africa!

CRITICISM

Dr. Stephen

It comes with the job, so I need to learn how to deal with it.

I won’t take it to heart but bear it with a shrug even though it lands on the chin.

I’ll work to improve my match-reading skills people have complained about. And I won’t make meaningless substitutions in the last 10 minutes of the game which hardly impacts on the result.

I’ll work on my man-management skill and avoid unnecessary arguments with players.

I now understand that Super Eagles job is Super Ego job! I’ll massage the players’ egos and ignore their childish tantrums.

I’ll close my Twitter account so I won’t be seeing Osaze Odemwingie’s angry twits whenever things are not going his way.

The media, my former colleagues, coaches and other football stakeholders are after my success so I’ll do my best to listen to them and sieve through their points no matter whether it is couched in insults, curses, or satire.

The fans call me Big Boss and it is out of love.

I love you all.

Mr. Keshi

How dare you criticise me!

I’m one of only two people, along with Egypt’s Mahmoud El-Gohary, to have won the AFCON as both a player and a coach.

Can you achieve that?

I played at the highest level.

I coached at the highest level.

Between 2004 and 2006, I coached Togo and qualified them to their first (and only and ever) World Cup tournament, Germany 2006.

I managed Mali for two years.

I won the AFCON with Nigeria, your first in 19 years after a coach with a surname raised to power two, failed to qualify for the same competition two years earlier.

I almost defeated France but lost when Blaise “Matuidied” Ogenyi Onazi and our midfield collapsed.

And you dare criticise me!

As a player, I won the West African Club Championship in 1983 and 1984 with New Nigeria Bank.

Where were you in 1983 and 1984?

I moved to Ivory Coast and it was success all the way!

With Stade d’Abidjan, I won the Coupe Houphoet Boigny in 1985 and 1986.

With Africa Sports, I won the league and cup double in 1986.

In Belgium with Anderlecht, I won the Belgian Cup in 1988 and 1989.

I won’t mention the several personal laurels I won in my soccer career that spanned several decades.

And you still dare to criticise me!

Now that I’m back, you better shut-up!

Mind you, I’ve compiled the names of those who took to the media – print and on line – when I stepped aside (please don’t use the word “sack” to qualify what happened on October 16) to praise the decision of the Nigeria Football Federation – NFF.

I’ll use that list for sure.

RELATIONSHIP WITH NFF OFFICIALS

Dr. Stephen

I regret the running battle I had with the Aminu Maigari-led NFF board.

I behaved ungentlemanly after beating Burkina Faso to win AFCON 2013.

I resigned after the victory and was begged to rescind the decision.

I did and still didn’t acknowledge the contribution of the board to the team’s success in South Africa.

Fine, Amaju Pinnick relieved me of my job despite beating Sudan in Abuja a day earlier and only got recalled at the insistence of President Goodluck  Ebele Jonathan.

But I bear no grudge.

Maybe the Big Boss toga gets into my head and I act like a boss rather than a manager.

I think I should drop that name.

Mr. Keshi

Drop which name?

Pinnick I know why you panicked when GEJ gave the words.

I was not in your meeting with the president but I can guess how your chat with him went.

Jonathan: I will talk to Chris Giwa, or what’s that his name again, to drop his court case so you can focus on your job.

Pinnick: Thank you Your Excellency! Thank you sir! Thank…

Jonathan: (cuts in)…reinstate Keshi. I want him back; Nigerians want him back. He didn’t deserve to be sacked.

Pinnick: Consider it done sir, I mean Your Excellency! Any ‘order’ thing you want Your Excellency?

Jonathan: None for now. Danagogo…

See, you needed the president more than the president needed you.

So, recalling me on the behest of GEJ is a little inconvenience you can endure despite not liking my fine face!

I’m sure you have read 48 Laws of Power as well.

Law 1 warns against outshining the master, but with you I’ll do a reversal!

I’ll outshine you because I don’t trust you even when a statement is credited you as saying:

“I am assuring Nigerians at home and abroad that the NFF will give Keshi all the necessary support to successfully prosecute the crucial matches.”

Support ehn? Support indeed!

Welcome to the days of long knives!

AMODU SHUAIBU

Dr. Stephen

I respect and understand your decision not to manage the team in the games against Congo and South Africa, calling for my reinstatement as Super Eagles coach.

You are indeed a friend and comrade!

Our relationship will continue to soar from leaps and bounds.

Mr. Keshi

Oga Amodu, why did it take you 360 hours to know you don’t need my job?

I remember your bullish remark about Nigeria’s chances of qualifying for the 2015 AFCON when you got my job.

“If Congo came here and scored three goals, nothing stops us going to Congo to score three or more goals,” you declared.

“We have done it before. We will do it again.”

Oga Amodu, you are now Obami, right?

But after “wide consultation” you asked the NFF to allow me to continue to handle the national team.

“I want to specially appeal to you to reconsider the matter and allow Keshi to finish the project that he has started — the 2015 Africa Cup of Nations qualifying race. My opinion also is that the time frame is too short to start tinkering with the fabric of the team or attempt to build a new team altogether,” you said.

“I am assuring you that I will offer whatever assistance is required by Keshi and his crew for the remaining two matches, and also be there to offer advice, suggestions and efforts towards building a stronger Super Eagles after the qualifying race.”

But Oga Amodu, Ademola Olajire, NFF’s assistant director of communications, gave you away when reacting to your letter.

His emphasis on “in a letter dated October 27” didn’t fool me into thinking you acted before the president ordered my return.

Your letter came after that presidential fiat!

It was a face-saving letter.

And you know it.

Nice try, though!

But Oga Amodu, your playing career ended after you broke your leg. When will your coaching career end?