Sylvester Oromoni: Of parents’ goof and Dowen College’s gaffe

The news of the death of Sylvester Oromoni hit so many people in so many ways. Since the story broke, there have been reactions, allegations, and counter-allegations. The father of the boy has reacted, Lagos state government has taken action by shutting down the institution, while the school, Dowen College, has equally given their own side of the story, whether true or not.

Those who are parents began to imagine what if Sylvester was their son, and others who have not been privileged to be parents felt the pain of losing Sylvester as a younger brother.

As days go by, tension continues to decrease and people are wiping their tears, many are now taking time to look critically into every possible circumstance that led to the demise of the innocent 12-year-old who was allegedly bullied by his seniors in school, harassed, and maltreated for refusing to join a cult. These treatments that happened over time finally led to the untimely death of Sylvester who only wanted to face his studies and make good grades.

While nobody wishes to lose a loved one to death, the worst experience parents could have their entire life is to bury their child. It is an unbearable and painful experience that takes forever to heal. In fact, some parents, especially mothers, find it hard to let go of the grief of burying a child.

As children, we all want to be that superhero for our parents, we want to see our dreams come true, make our parents proud and give them that treatment they never had. And as parents, we don’t want our children to go through the rough part of life we once went through, we want them to be better than us in every way. We send them to the best schools we can afford, and make sure they are comfortable in everything. Most of these good things we ourselves never enjoyed.

Most young parents today never had the opportunity to be driven to school by their parents because those parents had no car back then, they go to schools by trekking or using public transport. But most kids today enjoy the luxury of a school bus or being driven to school in their parents’ car. We all want to give our kids the best they need or the best we never had.

I really want to sympathise with the Oromoni family at this time of mourning. My heart goes to them and I pray God gives them the strength to bear this painful loss. Amen.

From the many commentaries I have read on this issue, people have been placing the blame on the school and the students allegedly responsible. While this is not out of place, I think charity should begin from home.

Sylvester Oromoni was caught in the web between parents who have the mind to send a 12-year-old to a boarding school outside their state of residence, and a school that overlooked the child’s welfare and overall safety of a student.

I am also concerned about the circumstances, avoidable ones, that led to the death of the child. I find it unacceptable for a parent to send a 12-year-old to a boarding school outside the city or state of residence of the parents. It is okay to want to best for a child, but not at the detriment of his safety, parental care, and overall welfare.

Dowen College is in Lagos State, Mr. and Mrs. Oromoni reside in Delta State. The total straight line distance between Lagos and Delta is 9,329 kilometers. Nobody can cover such distance in a quick rush or emergency situation where you need to show up in a jiffy. Such a trip can only be embarked on successfully if you own a private jet.

The 12-year-old Sylvester was left to himself in a school far away from his parents who both live in Delta State at the time of the incident. This was not the first time Sylvester has been bullied and complained to his parents about it. The red flag has already been there before now. The family themselves said they almost withdrew the child from the school last academic session. In situations like this, you already know the child is going through some trauma someone his age shouldn’t be going through. What he needed at that time is for his parents to be close to him and give him protection.

Both parents shouldn’t have left Sylvester all to himself or to his elder sister who herself is busy with her studies trying to make good grades, or to an uncle who has his work and family to primarily worry about. Nobody can take care of a child so well as the parents. You don’t outsource parenting to someone else. It is solely the duty of the parents to do.

Sometimes we do some of these things and get away with them, but just one incident can cost a lot. I believe if either of Sylvester’s parents were to be in Lagos when the school called to report his health condition, within a few hours the parent would have visited the child in school. The child himself will be excited, feel loved and protected, the parent will immediately take him to a better health facility, and maybe, just maybe, things would not have turned out this way.

Once a child complains of being bullied, harassed, and maltreated by fellow students in school, parents should immediately swing into action, and if the situation continues one more time, withdraw the child from the school. There are many schools in the city where a child can go and become great in life. No child’s destiny is tied to one institution.

For the children who perpetrated this act, there must not be a hiding place, to serve as deterrence to other groups in Dowen College or any other schools in the country, who bully their fellow students. No matter how wealthy or highly-placed their parents are, they and their parents must face the full wrath of the law if finally convicted. Life has been lost here, a promising one at that. Every person that has a hand in his death, young or old, should be brought to book.

Dowen College did not manage the issue well, perhaps they did not expect it will lead to Sylvester’s death. However, after his demise, they were supposed to come out clean. A child cannot play football and has his internal organs injured, lips injured, back, tighs all injured. What kind of football is that? Almost every kid in Nigeria plays football on a daily, how many of them suffer such body damage? That excuse is a lame one carelessly dished out to the public by the Dowen College management.

There is what we call damage control. When a life has been lost under your nose in such circumstances, all you need to do is come out clean and let the perpetrators face the law. You don’t try to cover up such people, let them and their parents face the law. Dowen College is an institution of learning, not a place for cultism or any social vices, you are supposed to maintain your standard without hiding anything.

There is a lot of work to be done. The kind of cult these boys were forcing Sylvester to join, and any other group that is not supported by the school, or the Lagos State government, must be found out and brought to an end with immediate effect. While the school must also be on the lookout to avoid the return of such an intimidating group.

All eyes are on the Lagos state government and police, people want to see how this ends and how justice will be served. There is nothing to hide anymore, the public must be kept in the know and updated on how the case is being handled.

Also, parents must look out for their children at all times, don’t stay far away from them, take immediate action when they complain about being bullied, molested, or any funny behaviour from anybody. It is time to draw them closer and build a society that will be safe for them in the future.

Israel is a Nigerian journalist and can be reached via [email protected]