The boy crisis

Boys will be Boys…and yet this is so untrue. It is an unguided misconception or better still a false stereotype that has defined boys over the years. An unpalatable excuse, labelling and legalizing certain behavior as a boy or man thing. A cultural and social canard of who a boy should be. Let me ask you this question, “Who is a boy?”

The definition of boy is not man-responsibility, behavior or the colour blue. It is the gender – a young male of the human species often differentiated from the female by the genitals. Putting the responsibility of men on boys early in life is as criminal as marrying off a 12 years old girl. Boys will “not” always be boys as we think but will grow up to become men who will pay dearly for every wrong action or misguided steps taken. Let me ask you again, “What type of men do we want in our society?”

When I began this boy-child conversation a few years ago, many met it with great resistance and a subjective disposition that boys are never victims. Are we forgetting that these men started out as boys who were wrongly tutored with phrases like boys don’t cry, you are superior to the girls, you are more powerful?

All over the world in most schools, over 80% discipline related problems and referrals are boys. Some very scary statistics is building up as UN recognizes that boys have fallen behind girls in every of the largest seventy developed countries. Many recruiters have given statistics that more females are successful at job interviews than the young men. We have certainly gained great traction on empowering the girls but what exactly have we done to the boys?

The increase of rape, especially by pedophiles suddenly increased in Nigeria or did it? This year 2018 alone has fielded several celebrated cases of men having carnal knowledge of minors, especially girls. Some led to the death of this young girls. Unfortunately, the statistics have always existed, maybe a little higher because of the influence of the internet. But have you also noticed that 98% of this rape case reported victims are girls? Some may not find it unusual because we believe girls are the “only” victims. Do you know that there are many unreported cases of boys been raped by women and men every day? Do you know these boys don’t go through this process and heal? Do you know that abuse begets abuse? Many of these boys who become molesters have one time been molested or exposed to unwholesome content that has led to distorted, twisted and perverse view of the male-female relationship

In many circumstances and many homes, boys are given the social, emotional and psychological responsibility of a man at a tender age of innocence. A large percentage of these boys will grow to become men, who do not see a woman as a partner rather as a subject or slave that feeds their ego and the unrealistic expectation defined by the society. If boys were trained, nurtured and groomed to become men of honour who allow women to thrive, succeed and support her everyday pursuit of success, do you know by how much we will reduce the ravaging rate of domestic violence?

And to the feminist, the women advocates, the girls-power champion, I praise your courage to be a voice and hold in high esteem your path. But let me ask you, for which society do you raise this strong willed-girls? For what men do you groom this independent savvy woman? Is it a husband who does not understand that a woman should be a success story in totality? Is it for a colleague who believes every female should take orders from him? Is it for the brother who belittles his sister in front of his friends or is it for the boys who says in class… don’t mind her, she is a girl? Or worst still, Is it for the father, who does not believe a female child can amount to anything?

We have pushed this card of empowering the girl-child so much that we have neglected the 50% critical mass who have great influence on how the society will respond. As we bring to book men who have offended both the law and humanity by abusing minors, let us focus on how to reduce the incidences and put in place some social preventive pillars that will protect the future. It is not Just a boy crisis but a man crisis. Let’s flip the coin a bit and focus on the Boy-Child. Are you in with me?

Remember, when you chase the sun, you will catch the clouds, when you long for the moonlight, stories are heralded. Never seek perfection, simply stay genuine.