The message of Barbara Azukaego Okadigbo (1973-2019)

I want to tell you the story of a lady named Barbara. I want to tell you about the message she had for the World… 

Barbara was an extraordinary woman who was an example of persistence, courage, loyalty, integrity, kindness and the ongoing quest for love. She was dependable, bubbly, chatty, sociable and was the life and soul of the party. Never in my life had I met a person who made friends as easily as Barbara did. For 46 years, she brought joy and sweetness to those around her. Her 46 years marked her out as the carrier of dignity, friendship and unity.

She was born on the 20th of September 1973 to Chief Christopher and Lady Justina Okadigbo in the bustling town of Peking, China and given the name Azukaego. Her name means, “the Past is your strength” in her native Igbo language. The given meaning of her name is rich in imagery and history.

She was a Virgo. The day she was born was a Thursday and it was the same day that The South African government returned Stevie Wonder to the air waves after banning his music for his dedication of his Oscar to an imprisoned Nelson Mandela. It was a year that the West African Economic Community was formed. It was a great day for multiple of reasons. The gift of Barbara was also given to the World on that day.

The family of Barbara, the Okadigbos hailed from the great city of Onitsha, Anambra State, Nigeria. Barbara, the last of a family of five children, came after her siblings Francis, Bosa, Michael and Michaela. With a father in the Foreign Service, the family traveled a lot and lived abroad, in different countries for a long period of time.

This inevitably formed a heightened level of exposure, a tolerance and an understanding of different cultures, religions and tribes that Barbara had. She attended primary school in Donnington Primary School in London and in Air Force Primary School, Lagos. For Secondary school, Barbara went to The British International School in Cairo, Egypt and eventually transitioned to the University of Jos, Nigeria to gain a Degree in Law.

She was a self-employed businesswoman who was extremely financially independent. Her strive to be a goal setter hugely contributed in making her the self-made successful woman that she surely was. Barbara was content. She loved to swim, dance, travel, listen to music, read, and was a huge foodie. Her hobbies only stood to enhance her relationship with people, commitment with community.

Six weeks ago, Barbara became poorly. In the night of the 29th of December 2019, the sad news of Barabara’s passing reached us. We received the news from Aisha Charo Atta who had been a dedicated and dear friend to Barbara all the way to the end. Her beloved family and friends surrounded Barbara.

At this sad juncture of her passing, I am moved to remember the impact of the time she spent with us, and how her example resounds in the hearts of those who knew her. As I use pen and paper to speak about our devastation at the passing of Barbara, I will take the opportunity to tell the word about the message she left and the great lessons she taught… just by being herself!

She was the epitome of loyalty, commitment and virtue.She was fearless and was always ready to offer a solution when it was needed. Barbara always had the strength to go the extra mile when it was required and often she did go that extra mile. She was everybody’s best friend: the one people turned to in his or her time of need. She was understanding, perceptive, objective and a ray of shining bright light. She was the type of person who always fitted in and adapted herself to any and every situation.

The day that Barbara died was a day that saw less love, less compassion, less light. A great light has not just grown dim, it has been put out. We lost a treasure with her passing. Her death marks a time of sadness and emptiness for those who loved and appreciated her. Barbara was the truest, dearest and most dedicated colleague, neighbor, friend, daughter and Mother to so many. She was a precious gift who came with so much beauty, grace, love and patience. She touched the hearts of all those she came across in so many ways. Her strength on dark days empowered and comforted all those who were with her.

Since she was a child, Barbara was absolutely hilarious and her humor was infectious. But even though she was funny and mischievous, she balanced that with a responsible seriousness at the times she needed to be. The witness of her life was a model of kindness, simplicity, humility and kindness. She lived her life with courage and served people.

She wanted to do things and to learn. She wanted to be someone who knew stuff and went places. And so she travelled. In her lifetime, Barbara travelled all over the world: to China, Egypt, Nigeria, Germany, France, Dubai, Greece, America Ethiopia, Italy and beyond. And everywhere she went, she strived to learn and become one with the people.

The passing of Barbara is devastating. I just cannot articulate how absolutely devastating it is in this one piece. She will be missed: with her warmth of spirit, her ability to adapt to any situation and relate with everyone. Her distinctive witness of care will be missed. At the same time we give thanks to the Almighty for the wonderful memories Barbara leaves us.

Her network of community and family was unparalleled. Barbara’s good works will always be remembered but more deeply, we will remember the love that shone from within her heart: love that was fueled by her absolute dedication to her family, faith and son. She will long remain an inspiration to those who cherish the value of family, and we are blessed to have shared the gift of her life with us all. She will not soon be forgotten.

Of all the roles that Barbara played during her short life, none could compare with that as a mother to her beloved son Nico. The bond that she shared with, now, seven-year old Nico was incomparable and unbreakable. She was an outstanding, incredible and fantastic mother: one that was dedicated, loving, kind, strict, protective and nurturing. No matter what, anybody who saw her with Nico fell in love with her and their mother-son relationship. They had the strongest of bonds and it was palpable. She adored that boy and he just revered her.

My sister, Hadiza Musawa Ali, eloquently espoused the relationship between Barbara and Nico when she said, “More than anything, Barbara was a phenomenal mother. This is how I choose to ignore the pain of her loss by understanding that it was God’s will that she had this beautiful child and was able to show him unquestioning, unwavering love and dedication so that he could grow up to be someone great, wonderful and special. A man she would have been so proud of.”

Barbara leaves a legacy of unity, love and concern to all who knew her and those who came in contact with her. During the course of her life, she never ceased to remind us that the greatest poverty of all is to live and to die unloved. She demonstrated that love through her commitment to family, relationships but especially her son, Nico.

Through her dedication to her family and especially her love and devotion to her son Nico, Barbara tried to show people the importance of being loyal, understanding, truthful, dependable, kind, and good. She wanted the world to operate from the position of true and pure love.

Pure and unadulterated love! That is her legacy. It is a legacy of pure love!

There is nothing minor about the legacy Barbara leaves behind, or the impact she had on others. It is a solid and vivacious legacy.

In life she was in a constant state of motion. In death she leaves us in a constant state of emotions. She leaves a solid message of helping, listening, solidarity. She was a whirlwind, never stopping, or slowing down. She was always there for everyone in her life… Always.

An aunt, a mentor, a friend, a sister, a neighbor but especially a mother, she took her relationship with people and her role very seriously and never wavered… No matter what. Barbara will remain unforgotten!

My family and the Okadigbos are extremely close and we literally grew up together.  For myself, I have to say that Barbara has always been there for me and my family through good and challenging times. She was always a good friend to me. But unfortunately, I haven’t always reciprocated her gesture in the way she deserved… in her time of need. Despite the fact that the reason for that is completely innocent and pure, I will never be able to explain that to her now that she is gone. I will never be able to explain to My Barbara, to apologize to My Barbara and to tell My Barbara just how much I love and adore her. I hope that I will be able to do that through the love and support that I will show my son Nico. “Ezigbo Nwannem, Nwannem!”

…Barbara Azukaego Okadigbo lived for 16,901 days! She had been alive in this world for approximately 405,620 hours! She had been breathing for about 24,337,200 minutes!

Barbara came with a message and in her short time, she tried to spread it the world over through her life and her actions: just by being her.

Barbara Nwoga (Nee Okadigbo) will be buried at 12:30pm on Thursday, 9thJanuary, 2020 at Hendon Cemetery, Holders Hill Road, London.

…I want to tell you the story of a lady named Barbara. I want to tell you about the message she had for the World… She wanted peace, unity, understanding, kindness and pure, pure love for the world in all its ramifications.

May her message be spread and received all over the world. And may her beautiful son, Nico, imbibe the spirit of his mother and grow to be the man she molded and would be proud of. May he continue to spread the message of his mother… Barbara Azukaego Okadigbo who lived from the afternoon of the 20th of September 1973 till the night of 29th of December 2019!

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