What needs to be done about early divorce in the north

BY ISAH ABBAS AHMED

In a normal circumstance, when an unwanted event became rampant, critical stakeholders have the responsibility of checking its causes and recommending lasting solutions to it. The rate at which early divorce happens these days is alarming. Compared to late 80s through early 90s, marriages lasts longer than now. Marriages those days, were what we termed as “till death do us apart”.

To have a fair analysis, I decided to first, clearly extricate ‘Marriage’ from ‘Wedding’. While Marriage is defined as culturally recognised union between people (called spouses) that establishes rights and obligations between them, wedding is a ceremony to celebrate marriage between these people. In a clear term, Marriage is an activity hoping to last long years, a Wedding is an event to celebrate this activity and is expected to last for few days (usually 3 to 5 days max).

Analysing the causative agent of frequent divorces, I looked at few I feel have great impact thus.

Exorbitant requirement before marriage contributes greatly in early divorce amongst couples. Parents nowadays set bride prices very high and also (especially in Hausa Land), expect expensive and massive material present literally referred to as ‘Lefe’ before the marriage. The desire of many ladies to have their weddings as record breaking one is another requirement that makes guys present themselves far above what they truly are. Unfortunately, when the true capacity of the groom is uncovered days after marriage, things begin to fall apart between the couples and in some cases it escalates to the in-laws.

Fake Life is one key causative agent of early divorces amongst couples nowadays. Living far above one’s income before marriage is something that causes divorces nowadays. Ladies and some parents have high hopes & expectations in who to marry or hand their daughter in marriage to. The quest for wealthy individual makes guys lie more often in order to win both heart of the lady and that of her parents. We’ve heard so many cases of guys borrowing already filled boxes and presenting them as ‘Lefe’, many other cases of renting apartments for just months in order to satisfy the lady’s desire.

Prioritizing wedding over the marriage itself is another key causative agent of early divorces amongst couples. Nowadays, couples mostly prioritizes wedding over marriage. The 3 to 5 days event is given more attention than the union that is intended to last ‘till death do them apart’. In most cases, 95% of the expenses incurred in marriages are spend on wedding events. We’ve heard many cases of couples spending millions on wedding events, living in rented apartments. The amount spent on wedding events, if it is not enough to procure house for the couples can go a long way in starting up building for them or at most, procure land for them. Recently, we heard a case of couple who committed suicide over being unable to pay their huge wedding debt.

Social Media is another key causative agent of early divorces amongst couples nowadays. This has different dimensions. Looking at publicizing weddings on Social Media nowadays, many couples go out of their ways in order to make their weddings befitting one. On the other hand, the use of Social Media by couples after marriage causes many early divorces. Checking couple’s phone in order to access his/her social media platforms, costs many couples their marriages

To carve the menace of early divorces, parents needs to cut down the requirement set before giving their daughters’ hands in marriage. This will go a long way in preventing the issue of fake live and getting greatly indebted after marriages. Couples, on the other hand, need to clearly prioritize the future of their marriages over wedding ceremonies. This way, many marriages will last longer and the union will have better life in the long run. Again, couples should stay away from checking each other’s phones. This will, in turn, prevent a lot of conflicts and/or issues between the couples. Finally, authorities, especially the traditional institutions being closer to people, need to put an eye in marriages. Proper counselling to the couple before marriage will go a long way in making them understand what priority in marriage is.