When a country becomes a joke

BY MUSA TOYYIB OLANIYI

It is a contradiction that started from the beginning of time. But that also led to contradictions subsumed in contradictions. Animals wearing the toga of man or personifying human qualities is not strange in the repertoire of fables or legend available to humanity.

In the Bible, we were regaled with an account of how the cunning serpent deceived Eve, our ancestral matriarch, to eat the forbidden fruit. Eve, in turn, made her man, Adam, our progenitor, to savour the fruit. Fruits thus become a delicacy with seductive aura.

In the biblical account, snake wore the toga of intellect and cunning to the extent that it deceived man who is supposed to be superior to it intellectually and in all other respects. But where is the contradiction embedded in contradiction? The other Abrahamic faith, Islam, does not include serpent in the story of the first story of man. But the Qur’an does narrate that indeed both Adam and Eve partook of the fruit, the first disobedience to God, leading to expulsion of man from bliss to earthly misery.

Still on the contradictions within contradictions. Knowledge generates light, but the postulation of Charles Darwin, a biologist, till today still exudes contradictions. Despite the overarching influence the theory of evolution has on the development of the biological sciences and even some of the social sciences, man is still contentious about the proposition of  evolutionary scientists, that we all developed from lower animals. Man developed from ape or shared common ancestry with it, evolutionary scientists claimed.

But if the theory of evolution is to hold true and which is that the heritable traits of biological population progressively change over successive generations, why is it that that apes, monkeys and such other mammals still remain the same, millions of years man became man.

If we ignore the challenges plaguing the theory of evolution and reconcile ourselves with the reality of animals as multicellular organisms that are usually motile, heterotrophic and reproduce sexually, we still have to grapple with another contradiction solely unique to animal behaviours in our country.

In Nigeria, animals have metamorphosed into man and in many cases, they are doing what can only flicker in the imagination of man. Are animals now superior to man in the most populous black nation on the face of earth? Animals usually feed on organic materials ( heterotrophy), but in Nigeria, they feed on crisp and hefty wads of notes usually in millions of naira.

Not too long ago, rodents called ‘eku’ in my part of the world, chased the President out of his office. So monstrous was the attack of the rats that President Buhari and the mammoth security around him could not withstand the audacious rats. Who can ever imagine that what Boko Haram, IPOB and other renegade groups could not achieve, ordinary rats will achieve effortlessly?

Before we can utter Jack Robinson, snakes were literally swallowing millions of naira notes. The serpent this time around was not interested in deceiving Eve or Adam. No. That appeared too rudimentary a feat. It has evolved into money gulping reptile.

Now, Nigerians desperately desire to transform into snakes. They imagined the tremendous powers that will become theirs by just changing to snakes. When we thought these can only be some jokes carried too far, popped up the validation of the hypothesis that animals in Nigeria are not only becoming unusual, they indeed seem to be accomplishing what many Nigerians cannot do. The new tragedy in town is the tale of a monkey that carted away N70m belonging to the Northern Senators’ Forum. Yes, you heard me right. Monkeys made away with N70m on Senator Adamu’s farm. If it is a joke, it is a classic reflecting the diminution of statecraft to comedy.

The contradiction lingers. The chicken farmer, former President Obasanjo, an acclaimed public letter writer, in his recent vitriolic missive to President Muhammadu Buhari, a herdsman, alluded to Nigeria as a horse. I’m sure the connection is not lost on us. Chicken, cows, horse, farmer, herder, leader.

While pondering over the sudden transformation of Nigeria to the republic of animals, I remembered a prominent Senator from Kaduna who, in a moment of unusual elucidation, revealed that the Presidency has been hijacked by hyenas and jackals. Perhaps, the hyenas and others were the armophous cabal holding the President hostage.

Not to be outdone, Aisha Buhari, the irrepressible wife of our President, from ‘za ozza room’ ululated that the arrival of Lion-king will cause the hyenas and company to scamper for safety. We are yet to see the significance and fulfilment of that declaration.

Something must be wrong with Nigeria that makes her leaders to be enamoured with animals. It is either Nigerian leaders are tending animals or studied animals or see the country as an animal. One was a chicken farmer, another was a herdsman, yet another was a fisherman and zoologist.

Among the dramatis personae in recent time, is a young man who was very prophetic, though he was both underrated and deified simultaneously. Another contradiction there. Nnamdi Kanu was underrated by the government and people of Nigeria, but his people, mainly the rabble among them, worshipped at his feet and saw in him the messiah long awaited. The secessionist was the one who labelled Nigeria a zoo. So prophetic. So clairvoyant.

The contradictions about man and animals that started from the beginning of time is not yet approaching a denouement. Before now, scientists averred that man developed from ape or shared common ancestry with it. But today, some Nigerians are praying to become snakes and monkeys. If we can hypothesise its possibility, it means animals will evolve from man, something like reverse evolution.

Whichever way we look at it, Nigeria seems to be the new theatre for the ultimate resolution of the struggle between man and animal.