You will ride her and whip her as you like?

BY VICTOR AKHIDENOR

I know the word ‘black eye’. However, the meaning became graphic when I saw it on the face of my sister. She was bruised and battered by someone she walked down the aisle together in holy matrimony. Gladly, my sister lived to tell the story. For Ego Osadebe, she experienced the big sleep all in the name of love.

In 1990, the BSc holder and businesswoman fell in love with Chinedu Osadebe. Four years later, they got married. But on November 4, 1998, Osadebe poured acid on his wife and for several days, she languished in the hospital writhing in pains and fighting for her life. She died 19 days later. Osadebe did a Ben Johnson!

“The police are your friend” that is what they tell if you mistakenly lend them an ear. But this police officer was not even a friend to his wife. On January 22, 1999, Reginald Ononye, a Superintendent of police, pummeled Veronica Nwamaka Ononye, until she was sent to the land of no return. According to the father of the deceased, Reginald had on several occasions assaulted and abused his daughter which always resulted in family intervention but “we never knew he was going to kill her”.

Samaila Ado knew he was going to kill his wife, Fatima Haruna. Sometime in January 2004, he told her that they would be embarking on a journey to see his relatives. Being an obedient wife, she agreed. On the way, he told her he needed to park and answer the call of nature. He beckoned on her to do the same. As she alighted from the vehicle and was at it, he pounced on her; axed her until she was motionless in the pool of her blood and urine.

Violence against women according to the United Nations is “any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or mental harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or private life.”

My angst is on violence leading to death or a life-threatening situation carried out by an intimate partner (spouse, unmarried partner, or people inside a dating relationship). According to a 2013 World Health Organisation (WHO) study, 30 per cent of women worldwide have experienced physical or sexual abuse by an intimate partner. The study found that among women abused by intimate partners, 42 per cent sustained physical injuries. Intimate partners were also the perpetrators in 38 per cent of all murders of women globally.

In Nigeria, an earlier report unearthed a similar result. The study, which was later published into a book (Beyond Boundaries – Violence Against Women in Nigeria) in 2001 had a population size of 1,730 in the three categories relevant to my analysis. It was broken down into Women in Workplaces (550), Market Women (522), and Young Women in Schools (658). The three other categories (Social Welfare Officers [165], Medical doctors [147], and Police officers [278]) add no meaningful contribution to this exercise so it would not be considered.

The study, with a short term objective of establishing the prevalence and spread of violence against women in Nigeria, had respondents from 12 states (Lagos, Ogun, Oyo, Rivers, Abia, Enugu, Cross Rivers, Adamawa, Plateau, Kaduna, Edo, and Kano) of the federation.

Let me reel out the findings.

A total of 35.8 per cent of the Women in Workplaces admitted that their boyfriends or husbands have beaten, slapped, or kicked them. Of the women sampled, 18.2 per cent said that the beating, slapping, and kicking has happened in the last one year. Four-point four per cent were beaten, slapped, or kicked because of financial problems; 4.9 per cent because of working late or returning home late while 4.7 per cent because of denying him sex.

Twenty-one point six per cent have been threatened by their intimate partners and 3.1 per cent admitted having received death threats while 6.4 per cent were threatened that they would be maimed. A total of 36.6 per cent of Market Women had been beaten by their partners for reasons ranging from coming home late from the market (11.7 per cent), financial problems (10.7 per cent), denying him sex (8.4 per cent), he was drunk (4.2 per cent), and for being disrespectful to either him or members of his family (2.2 per cent).

Twenty-one point one per cent of these respondents admitted that they sustained injuries from the beating; 17 per cent of them reported the physical abuse. Only 10.5 per cent reported the incidents to their own family and 17.2 per cent told the man’s family. None of them reported the occurrence to their friends, religious leader, social welfare officer, or the police. Thirteen per cent said that they just did not want to report the experience; 1.5 per cent admitted they were ashamed of doing so, and 1.1 per cent said they were scared to report the incident. Twenty point one per cent of this category of respondents admitted that they have been threatened by their partners; 9.2 per cent said they have received death threats; 9 per cent have been threatened with divorce, and 2.3 per cent were told the children will be taken from them.

The study found out that 57.6 per cent of the Young Women in Schools admitted they have boyfriends. Eighteen point seven per cent admitted having been beaten by their partner. Of this figure, 13.4 per cent reported the physical abuse to their friends. Ten-point six per cent of the respondents admitted that they have been raped by their boyfriend, classmate (1.5 per cent), schoolmate (1.1 per cent), an unknown person (0.8 per cent), or cult member (0.3 per cent). Three-point three per cent of them reported the incident to the police, their friends (2.9 per cent), or their parents (0.6 per cent). Twenty-four point five per cent said that the case was properly handled, and the rapist was punished. Several reasons were advanced by those who did not report the incident. I was shamed (2.6 per cent), I was scared (0.8 per cent), I could not talk about it (1.7 per cent), I was threatened by the rapist (2.1 per cent).

Men involved in this shameful act will always justify their actions. In Nigeria, some of the justifications proffered for battering women include: disrespect for husband and/or in-laws, outburst at the husband or the use of abusive words, lateness in preparing husband’s meals and manner of presentation, a complaint about insufficient food/housekeeping allowance, adultery, refusal to have sex, failure to keep the house tidy, participation in social visits and other outdoor activities.

One of the men sampled in the study said: “In my tradition, a woman should not burst out at her husband. If she does, she challenges his manhood and he has to reaffirm it. He can punish her in whatever way he deems fit.”
Even go as far as killing her, right?

This brings me to my headline. It was rephrased from a Chinese proverb that originally reads: “I will ride her and whip her as I like”. Now, I want the men to get whipped too and start sending letters (like the one below) to Agony

Aunties.

Dear Aunty Dolapo,

I am married for 17 years now. Every time my wife and I have a misunderstanding she demands transport fare for her three brothers who stay in Ikorodu to come and beat me up here in Epe. After the beating, I must still give them transport fare back to Ikorodu. What can I do, please? I am spending a lot.
Kunle.

Der Kunle,

I completely sympathise with you. However, I suggest you and your wife move to Ikorodu to save costs!

Aunty Dolapo.

You can laugh out loud, but the only option is for the role to be reversed and the men face the same violence by members of the wife’s family who are angered by the occurrence. It is only enforced consequences that can stop these men. We are fond of doing things in Nigeria not because there are no consequences but because they would not be enforced.

Call it illegal. Call it barbaric. It is what I call for until we are ready to review the existing laws such as the Criminal Code that will deal with cases of domestic violence. Are we ready to enact and implement laws on violence against women with stiff penalties for the perpetrators? Are we ready to set up a special tribunal that will try cases of violence against women? Are we ready to amend the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and make it gender-sensitive and protect women’s rights?

Until we are ready to criminalise domestic violence, I will call for an eye for an eye.

My sister’s eyes were restored. She has since kissed and made up with her husband. But whenever she reflects on the matter, she will surely see me and her other brother as cowards. Cowards who could not serve her husband the same dose of medicine he prescribed and administered. Her husband would not have paid for our transport fare back to our locations like our friend from Epe. But he would have eaten a humble pie. And what a sight to behold by his wife as his hand wobbles and mouth, teeth, tongue struggle to masticate the lump of Eba down his throat. What a sight to behold, indeed!